Life in Baghdad

Life in Baghdad

Somehow I got reading this blog and didn't stop. I think it's rather thought provocative, and I certainly have my opinions on lots of issues brought up in this blog that I didn't know I had before. Every so often I come across a blogger I want to be more like in some way, and in this case, it's his honesty and how he tries to look at things at more than one angle. This is also my first attempt at the blogThis button.

Waste of Space

Long ago was termed the phrase, "waste of space," but sometimes I just feel that way. Like when I woke up today, at 9:30pm. Yes, I used to go to bed at that time, in elementary, but the fact that the day should be over with in a few hours and I should be back to sleep makes me sad. Most preferable would be if I woke up at noon, but since I was up being a crack addict all night, I didn't get to bed until 6am. I briefly wondered if anyone else in the suite noticed I hadn't been up all day, but noone makes any effort here to see what is up with their neighbor, so that thought ended quickly enough. I feel a need to accomplish things each day, and when I'm waking up at bedtime, instead of the morning, (or even early afternoon), it's tough to acknowledge that today can be useful in any way. It's never a pleasant day when just the fact that you're waking up (late) makes you feel bad. Yet still deep inside me there are brief thoughts that somehow this day can be salvaged, and as anyone knows, the only way to make good a day gone useless is to do something productive. So I went ahead and did that, I went down to Ade Express, the minimart/everything-fast-food restaurant nearest me, and purchased myself a buffalo chicken wrap. As everyone should know, the buffalo chicken wrap is the most highly praised of foods I have yet consumed. It is not only a pleasure to eat, but it raises my spirits and makes me feel good about life. I am always happier after I eat one. Perhaps their secret ingredient is happiness juice, or maybe it's just the right combinations of jalepeno wrap, chicken, lettuce, tomato, banana peppers, olives?, mozarella, ranch and extra hot sauce. But as always, the hot sauce makes my face burn, and the pain of hotness is awesome, and I hadn't bought myself a drink. So I headed upstairs to the dining hall, which was closed, and stole myself a glass of lemonade and an orange. Yes, it felt extra good to not swipe in and get those items. It's like stealing something useless that you know will go to waste, yet also know the managers would want you to swipe in for. It's like protesting the system where colleges force you to buy a very overpriced meal-plan in order to attend the college. I wouldn't buy a meal plan, but for the fact that it's mandatory. The food sucks at Alfred, because there is no competition to keep the food decent there. Sure there are restaurants on main street a mile away, but the evil Alfredian Empire has already taken your money and charged those thousands of dollars to your Visa. Every semester, maybe 100 people on campus make full use of their meal plan, and everyone else has dozens of meals left unused yet paid for. The food service feels justified because they can always say it was the option of the student not to eat all the meals, and the students feel justified...because it was their parents money? No, the students all complain that the system is a rip-off.
Anyways, I've been having dreams again. One night I had a dream where I was in my aunt bon's field wandering around, and then I saw Marvin the Martian wandering, and I pointed and yelled at him. Discovered, Marvin the Martian fled, and I chased him for a while. Then he somehow turned into a pack of ferocious wolves that tried to kill me, so I had to kill them with my bare hands. It was quite brutal; one wolf was biting my arm and I pulled back on its jaw hard enough to break its jaw, and then I broke some legs. I then felt bad having brutally and mortally wounded all these wolves, as they sat around wimpering. I had some other dreams, I should have blogged them, but I no longer remember them. When I woke up a few hours ago, I had this weird dream too. My mom was sitting in our house on the couch, but she had gained a hundred pounds, due to stress related stuff I guess, and she felt suicidal. My parents had completely redone my room and while rumaging my trash had found the dildo package I have here in my dorm (because dildos are a fun thing to have!). Then I was getting something for my mom in her room, because she was too fat to get it herself, and I found all these books on gays and lesbians, and I concluded that my mom thought I was gay because of the dildo or the lack of girlfriends or something, and she had read all these books on it, yet had never mentioned anything about it to me. I had relatively no emotion besides, "jeez, crap, wow" at their silent concern, but at the same time thought about what I meant to them, and how much they probably care about me, since they have nothing better to do with their time. I never really talk to my parents, or think about them that much; they stay out of my life and I stay out of mine. I've had bouts where I hated them and whenever that happens I try to block them out of my life. I always do that, in that once I get furious with someone, I stop talking with them, like some sort of protest against them. I suppose it's immature. I should talk to them about why I'm upset and how to change it, but to me, everyone is who they are, and people don't change--it's useless to try to change them. So, recognizing there is nothing I can do, I try to block them out. Usually this wears off after a couple years, and then I'll forgive them and try to be friends with them again, but often even after I've forgiven them, I've lost contact with them, and it's hard to regain a place in their lives. But anyway, this dream then took a turn for Wegmans, and I was wandering around in the aisles, when I saw keith and his dad, each with shopping carts filled with a dozen well-packaged boxes. Mr. Rose was wearing a bright green jacket and earrings, and dress pants, and keith was also wearing a woman's suit I guess, and maybe some high heeled shoes, and lots of makeup. Apparently they were out for the day having fun masked as ladies, and they were both really hyper with their shopping carts running down the aisle. I don't think they wanted to be seen, so they had dressed themselves as women and were pretending to be women, and when I saw them and said "what are you doing?!" keith gave some incoherent answer and pretended not to know me. I apologize for picturing keith and his dad in women's clothing and dressed as a woman, but I dreamt it for some reason, and I thought it odd, and now I'm posting it for all the world to read! Hahahaha! Now thousands of people will think you're crazy!
Anyways, now I'm feeling a bit better, because I'm listening to my favorite techno songs, which always uplift my spirit, make me feel motivated, and even make me think about life in a new perspective sometimes. So now I'm up for talking about the test in psyche I took yesterday. After missing the class wednesday because I had slept through my alarm, I asked keith's roommate what I missed. He said I'd missed some note-taking that was in the book, and that there was a test friday. Thursday I had class off, then Friday came and I asked him once more if it was a test or just a quiz, and it was a test. The test was on the readings, and I haven't even gotten my textbook in the mail yet, so I thought I'd borrow it from keith's roommate, Brian. I talked to him online and he said he wasn't done using it, and the way it was worded, I took it as him saying that he didn't want me borrowing it. So I was like, "ok, it's not your problem, I don't even know you and here I am asking to borrow your textbook the night before a test." Then I was thinking how I need that book to study and I need to do well on this test, so I asked again and this time he said "sure, I'll tell you when I'm done with it." So after watching Napolean Dynamite (an amazing movie) with the suite, I went down at 11pm. I was talking with keith a bit and reading a bit, until I fell asleep reading. I was tired because as from Wednesday at 7pm until Thursday at 7pm I was playing Halo2, and now it was 12am that night. Thus, I hadn't slept at all. So I was skimming and reading, and all was going well until suddenly I just "hit the wall" and passed out while reading. I woke up 20 minutes later and said to keith that I would take a nap because I had been sleeping, and keith hadn't even noticed I hadn't been reading this whole time. So I slept for an hour or so on keith's bed, woke up still tired as hell, and decided I couldn't read anymore, so I went back to my bed in my suite after having only read 25 of the 50 pages. I figured, it wasn't worth killing myself over some reading that I probably already knew. But on test day the next morning, I woke up decently refreshed, and sat down for the test. It was all multiple choice and true/false, so I couldn't have dreamt it could be a challenge, but the questions he asked were all on the last 25 pages of reading, so I didn't know a lot of it. This was possibly the first test I had taken, multiple-choice style, that I couldn't just rule out answers. But I took the test using as much common sense as I could. I just checked my grade and I got a 49, which is below the class average by 19 points. So...yeah, I didn't do well, to put it nicely, but even the kids who studied and read the text didn't do well either. A class average of a D- isn't saying much about the class. So, since I did bad on the first test of the year, I haven't been feeling great. I blame it on the fact that I haven't received my textbook in the mail yet, and that no teacher, under any circumstances should have a test after the first 6 days of class. I mean, days one and two back from break should always be complete wastes of time and introductions back to school. Basically, the test was on stuff I'd never heard of, and details in the reading, like, "who brought in this or that style of psychology." But it's over with. From now on I'll have my textbook, and I'll do the readings and do well on all the future tests, and I'll talk to my professor, and there's even some extra credit I can do, so I will be fine. I guess something inside me just likes to rise to a challenge; Psyche would be an easy A, but try getting and A after you bomb a test! So yeah, I bombed a test to make getting an A harder. I do that in a lot of things I do. Like in lots of Halo games or raquetball games, I start out doing horrible, then come back and kick ass. Yesterday in Halo2, for example, I got duffed then walked off the edge, thus comitting suicide, in the first two minutes of the game to start of 0-2 in the kills to deaths ratio. I said to my team, "ok, I'm gunna start doing better guys, I promise." Then I came back and went 19-3. I think coming back from a loss is just more exciting, or maybe I get far more determined when loss is near. Yes, when I'm about to lose, I go all out at the end, giving it my best effort. In the mile for example, I would run the mile or 3.1 miles or whatever, and the last 100 meters or whatever I would sprint for all my worth to get that final awesome time. It just feels good when the race is almost over and you pass several kids who had lead you the whole way. It lends a smile to my face, when they think they've won and then I win instead at the very end. And now, I realize that I would be doing laundry, because I'm in a laundry accomplishing mood, but my laundry card is on the roof. Crap! Keith started blogging this week and his blog is http://apologuesondemand.blogspot.com/, so that will be one more thing I'll keep tabs on. I think I'm going to go public with this blog, allowing those hundreds and hundreds of blog surfers access to my secret site of secretness. I've gotten an abundance of traffic (like 30 people) in the last few days, probably do to some commenting on other blogs. So let's experiment and see if I get more traffic. Something I'm interested in is whether people are actually reading each article, or just seeing the title and moving one. My stat counter has a problem in that if you don't reload my blog, it says you were here for less than a second, even though you could have been reading for hours. So perhaps I will do something about that. So, goodbye world of the private blog. I might miss you. I'm entering a new world where anybody can stumble across my blog. Great uncertainty of Neptune! As always, keep me posted.

Crack is Addictive

I am a terrible person because I just played Halo2 all night. Since about 6pm I've been playing. It's so addicting. I didn't even tell myself I should stop until 3am and then it took another 45 minutes to quit. But Xlive is the shit, and today was my first time, so it was extra enjoyable. I'm up to level ten and I just started today(you start at level 0)! Apparently my progress is very quick. I've been dominating almost every single game tonight, even as the competition got harder. My best accomplishment was getting 20 kills and no deaths, against level 8 contenders. But in every game except four, I was leading my team, and I probably played (doing math in my head) 48 games tonight. I was on a roll, and that's why I couldn't stop. You want to know why I'm bragging? Because I'm so very proud of myself, my skills: everything. I also loved hearing at the end of lots of games, "Wow, Tot kicked ass! Way to go!" based on my stats, from highly ranked players. My gamertag is A Young Tot(thus, you were killed by a young tot, etc.), and a couple times tonight I heard people amused at my name, so that made me happy. I did order my books today, so that was an accomplishment, and even though I didn't make it to any meals, I cooked myself pastas, and that was delicious. Brian and I played for a couple hours, and he was tearing it up too, so it was fun. And Josh no doubt still thinks he's a million times better than me due to his cockiness("I'm not insulting you; it's just that I play a lot more Halo than you so I have more practice). Well in my opinion, tonight anyway, I was playing better than anyone on campus could have, and when Josh did play, I ranked ahead of him. Yes, it bothers me that I don't get recognition without asking for it, but hopefully getting a high ranking will convince him that I don't suck, and then he won't have any excuses. Is it sad that someone thinks they're better than me and it upsets me? Maybe, maybe not. But for some reason I think I have something to prove. Anyway, I am going to play Halo2 a lot now because I'm in a lot of pain when I walk or move as a result of a damaged kidney, so my injury is keeping me glued to the Halo screen. At least my eyes don't hurt! That means I'm blinking! I'm so proud of my ability to blink. I now have class in four hours, so I'm a get to bed.

Perpetual Pain, Take Two

I'm in serious pain here. Earlier, I would have described it as the worst pain ever, but now it's downgraded to something that's dealable. I'm regaining control of regular and steady breathing, but I'm still open to harsh explosions of pain when I move a certain way. I was playing matt and keith today in raquetball. We are matched pretty well, and we played 2.5 hours of hardcore raquetball. I hurt myself by sliding backwards on my butt and landing my right kidney into the wall with a lot of momentum. Also, my right knee is bleeding and the bone is bruised, but that is nothing compared to this kidney area problem. I don't even know if it's my kidney, but something I didn't know existed there is now making it very clear it doesn't like being fucked with. Anyways, it was a lot of fun, and nobody got mad, unless you count the part where a racquet got thrown and dented. But today was overall quite fun. My 7pm economics class was cancelled today, and tomorrow my english class is cancelled!
This morning wasn't a success though. When my alarm went off at 830, I threw down my covers and turned it off, then, seeing my covers were all on the floor, put them back on my bed. Climbing into bed with them seemed like the appropriate response at the time. Then at 9 I woke up and said, "oh shit! I got class in 20 minutes," so I moved next to the window, with the theory that the bright outdoors would wake me up. But soon I was back asleep, and didn't wake up again until 920, when somebody returned from a class and slammed a door. But I ran to class and I was only 17 minutes late. Granted, I couldn't concentrate for another 10 minutes because my heart rate was high and it was cold.
I've found myself running almost everywhere I go now. I ran to economics today and I was 6 minutes early. I run to Ade, I run to the gym; it just gets me there faster and I don't have to suffer the cold blizzardy wind as long. Somehow, running just seems like the appropriate response. Perhaps, subconciously, the weather has instigated a fight or flight reaction within me, and since I don't know how to fight it, I flee from it. Weather is scary, so don't act like I'm a wuss.
I played some poker with keith and ben today, and that was fun. I tried to set up an XLive account, and even after I correctly guessed the blurred code on the 7th guess, I was eventually asked for the credit card number I've never had, so I had to bail. By the way, this is titled "take two," because the first time I wrote something along these lines and clicked publish, there was an error and I lost all the type. Where does this text go anyways? It's saved on the internet, not my computer, and there are millions of blogs out there, so is there some database somewhere reserved solely to save blog texts? I highly doubt it. Something in me tells me it's one of those magical secrets google devised. Oh, and the matt living across from keith ordered a $6 projector from ebay, and when it arrived, it was just a magnifying piece of plastic. That was moderately funny, and he then proceeded to write a thank you letter to the seller for supplying such a fine product. But that's all I'm going to tell you. Several other life-changing events happened today, but I don't feel like telling you about it due to their top-secretive secretness. Maybe if you send me something delectable, I will tell you.

Bad BAD Sleep! No Dessert!

Are there good reasons for being up this late? Perhaps today is a forewarning that Mondays will suck extra hard. I have 5 hours of classes today, but my main concern is that I'm not asleep. I am a dumbass. I've been being pathetic for the last few hours by reading blogs of people I don't know. Apparently there are a lot of people out there that don't blog in English, so I feel victorious when I come upon a blog that is in the language I prefer. I've come across lots of interesting/entertaining blogs before, but tonight nothing was amusing me. Bits and snatches interested me, like: "I hate being a bitch. But he has go to learn," but in general, it was worthless. All I want to do is go, "fuckity fuck shit!" very loudly, over and over again, very loudly, then punch myself until I go to sleep. Okay, that might be a bit harsh, but I am aggravated with myself for not being tired. My problem is that I don't get tired. I don't think I'm normal in that respect. I guess the only thing I might have reached a greater understanding of today was that everyone has their own thoughts. I know that sounds really pathetic. I was reading posts of people in singapore and the UK and australia and all over the world, and despite my immediate labeling of them as losers based on their boring "blahg," I read a paragraph or two, just based on the fact that it was in English and I could, and came to understand a bunch of people a bit more. My new years resolution is to understand the human race. That might be a bit tight, but there are a lot of different people out there. Anyways, I promised myself that I would blog and go to sleep, so the sooner I end this blog, the sooner I'll get a couple hours of sleep, as worthless as they may be. At this point, I'm convinced that light has a highly significant part in triggering the sleep reflex. Granted, last semester I didn't sleep much when there was no light besides my computer screen, but lately I've had lights on and also not been sleeping. Regardless, I just turned off the lights and now I'm planning to keep them off when it starts getting past my bedtime. Isn't this interesting? Gosh golly I'm a significant human. Every day my problem is based on sleep. Wtf! Why is my crazy crap sleep pattern fucked up so bad? It's really annoying, like a small child some neighbor of yours owns and brings over, that bugs you when noone else is looking, yet the parents are friends of your parents, and nobody supports your case that this small child is annoying, because he is an angel in their eyes. Eventually, the urges to kick this child grow until you actually do kick him, and then he runs away screaming tear-streaked to his mommy, who talks to your mom and you get a scolding. Sorry for getting a bit off track there, but I think comparing my misbehaving sleep pattern to a boy who should get kicked in the face fits very well. I talked to blair and brian and fricano since 2am, so I'm not completely alone, but still, this is total crap and it needs to get punched in the face. Okay, I'm concluding this criticism of my self-destructive hating of my sub-concious desire to eat away at my success by keeping me concious during hours that should be spent dreaming. In other words, enough angry ranting for one night.

Michelangelo's Paint Brush

Free. Flowing, yet detailed.
The concentration of a genius.
I am held with utter skill,
and twirled about in moments of pause.

He already knows what to do
before I am even summoned.
I await his every call,
quivering with anticipation.

The potential is there,
on any given day
that a masterpiece will form,
impossible without me.

I caress the canvas,
marking a revolution,
the painting will be timeless,
the essence of imagination captured.

He rinses me off,
What color will come next?
Taking a deep breath,
he yells, vexed.

He sets me down,
he needs a break,
But I have faith;
expectantly, I wait.

Each color is only a memory.
The water that cleanses me
releases me their emotion,
while etching it in time.

The bliss of creating timelessness!
Like a fountain of youth,
I physically animate each painting
appearing in homes of the couth.

He understands beauty,
yet somehow resists me.
He prefers a chisel!
But what of the Sistine?

I am to him but a tool,
a genius's tool.
But at least I rest happy,
for I made art cool.

This is what I will show to my english teacher, Heather Yanda, and hope to gain extra credit from. I'm assuming she gives out extra credit regardless of whether it sucks or not. If not, I probably won't be getting points. So yes, my poetry sucks, but on the bright side, she'll only think I'm improving from here on out.

My Soap

Does anyone else have this problem? I was just in the shower and I found myself using this soap that had all but deteriorated. It was flakey and layered and little pieces kept breaking off. These pieces were everywhere. I'd rub some in soap in my hand and I'd get 4 different small pieces. Then I'd feel compelled to use these soapy bits so I mush them up and use it. But sometimes it doesn't mush, so I have to use each individual piece like it's a bar of soap. And then there are the times when I'm soaping up my leg or something and the piece comes off my hand and I lose it. Now I have to spend time looking for this little bit of soap so I can use it. I could probably save myself this problem if I invested some more money in soap. I somehow managed to find this bargain soap: three bars for a dollar. But really, for the money I save, flakey soap is well worth it. I mean, is it really worth another dollar to have soap that doesn't disintegrate? I'm actually interested in how they put it together. It's sedimentary. The layers peel off like that fruit leather they used to sell in stores and tasted so great. Whatever happened to fruit leather? Anyways, that's my beef with soap.

Yay vs. Oops

Today could best be described as some blah with a burst of yay and oops. I'd say it's somewhat blah because I didn't do anything constructive and I'm getting to bed late again, but I'd say yay because my suite and I went to see comedians. They were hot females, which is why some of us went in the first place, but they turned out to be worth seeing aside from just seeing them. I would give the first girl, Jennifer Hijack, a grade of a B+, in that some of her stuff was downright hilarious, while other stuff was decent. The second girl, MaryAnn, was a stand up and I'd give her an A+; she was za bomb, and she reminded me of Cameron Diaz. She's single and made some references on how she wanted to sleep with somebody, so I'm thinking I should have invited her over to our suite. I have a freakin' single! What am I doing letting it go to waste? Some more yay was that I played Halo2 w/ keith and stomped people as in: I was on my own team, and the two teams of four and five were having trouble keeping up. I enjoy things like Halo way too much. Next time I'm up playing halo for 4 hours in row, somebody kick me(not hard, just one that casually says, "you're being kicked," without leaving a mark).
The oops of the day goes to me for getting my wallet stuck on the roof. It's not coming down for a long time either. It really sucks actually. I was returning from lunch w/ keith, and realized my key wasn't on me. It was snowing and cold and windy, so the best course of action was to signal the attention of mark and nick, who would then open the door. So, the only way I could get their attention was to throw something at their window. Snow was not the compacting type, so I threw my wallet. Nobody came to the window, so I had to keep trying, and since they weren't answering, I figured it hadn't been loud enough. So, I hucked it with quite a bit of force, and it slipped from my hand and flew over the roof. I hoped it had gone over the roof and landed on the other side of the building, but alas, it must be atop the third story. The roof is perfectly flat, and there is no way to gain access to it. Thus, to the best of my knowledge, I am screwed. Luckily, I have my room key and meal card, so the essentials are with me, but I did lose my driver's license, 30$ of money, my mail key, my debit card, and some other things. At least it won't be stolen, I guess? So far, the plan I'm using to get it down is to wait until I grow 20+ feet and then just climb up and get it, but I'm not sure that will happen soon, so I might have to wait a while. Oh, and apparently, Mark did hear me throw it the first couple times, and just ignored it. How aggrovating!
I also saw a movie, Saved, yesterday in the commons room with seven other people, and I liked that movie a lot. It truly mocked extremist Christians in a hilarious fashion, while delivering the plot along in a steady and interesting manner, and in the end, the comedy turned into a serious lesson to be learned and a celebration of life, which added another dimension I'm not sure I liked. I think I prefer if a movie that's funny stays funny, from beginning to end, and doesn't change into a drama comedy at the end.
I also have a writing assignment to do tomorrow. For my writing class, I have to write a poem through the eyes of Michelangelo's paint brush. I've got some ideas where I'm going to go with it, but I'm new to poetry, so I don't really know if it will work. I think I'm trying to do too much with one poem. Aside from that, my day is probably free. For now, it is sleepy time.

Absolutely Nothing

I'm runnin out of topics to talk about. Need some suggestions. Getting bored on reporting. Maybe interesting things just stopped happening. I've been hangin out with Keith lately, beat Halo on Heroic and we're on to Legendary co-op, and played a lot of raquetball. The gym was closed today and will be closed at 9pm from now on, so we're going to have to lift before dinner form now on, as opposed to after. Classes seem moderately fun. I still need to buy all my books. I'll get a ride with Keith home tomorrow and I'll get my Xbox and some bed covers, and maybe a book. Thursdays seem like they're boring, or wasted because today I slept in until two then didn't really do anything, because I didn't have anything to do. I'm quite tired from five games of raquetball. I was playing very well; I made very few mistakes. So...yeah. As you can see nothing has happened besides the general fun that halo and raquetball entails. If you want something interesting posted, from now on, give me a suggestion, because right now, my brain isn't being creative to any degree, whatsoever. Sorry for wasting your time, but it's actually your fault for leaving me without input. It's time for a shower, now.

Cold

I take back what I said about Alfred keeping these places warm all the time. I need some blankets. That's one of the things I left at home, so all i have is a fleece blanket and a sheet. This is not enough and consequently I've woken up cold two days consecutively and someone's in the shower now. And I went on the AU website specifically to see the weather and it was down. How does a thermometer break?! It seems like it's simple enough for a University to keep working. And yes, I'm really hungry and I would have gone out to eat, but for the fact that it looks cold, and since I don't know how cold it is, I expect the worst. I can see snow blowing strong, and that means cold coldness to the extreme. brrr! Haha, this rap is silly by cee-low and chingy. Hopefully I'll work something out with my hunger pattern that it arranges itself to conform to my eating schedule, instead of asking me to feed myself before nine, because that requires an early breakfast, which I don't want to do. Lunch and dinner are enough trips to the dining hall for one day in my opinion. Oh joy, today I get all the classes I had yesterday, but with the exception that I also have another 2 hour economics class. Hopefully I'll get to meet Mickey mouse today. That would be sweet. I think I'm leaving now, because then I arrive in class with enough time to defrost myself before class starts. I wish I had a sled.

A Perspective on Love

This isn't going to be a humorous blog. It's more along the lines of questioning stuff. Maybe you'll like it anyway.
Rather tired right now am I. Lifting always makes me feel sick to my stomach and that sucks. I don't start feeling good again for another few hours. I don't do it because it's fun, I do it because it's good for me. Dustin is sleeping in the extra bed tonight for some reason he told me but didn't make sense. Blah I feel like barfing. But on to the topic I intend to talk about.
One of the things I wondered about today was why love exists. It's for the purpose of reproduction, a basic human need, along with hunting and gathering and things of that nature. But do other animals fall in love also? Does it really require a higher level of thinking to fall in love? Even the dumbest of people fall* in love. *The way it's worded it seems as though love is this bottomless pit of which there is no escape. Animals (like kitty cats) go in heat, and I'm wondering if this is the same as love. It is for the purpose of reproduction. It ensures that you will reproduce. Love makes you blind to all faults the other person has. Then again, there's supposedly love between family members. I disagree. You love someone in bed. It's not intended for those in the same DNA pool. Unless you're in Mississippi. My point is that there is a difference between love between those dating and those in the same family. With one, you want to be around them all the time, you laugh at all their jokes and think they're the best person in the world. With the other, it's based on a level of caring you share. Sure, said example one leads to a level of caring, but said example two does not lead or relate to loving to be around them. Can you really love someone if you don't love to be around them? Perhaps what I'm getting into is love laced with lust, versus love? It doesn't make sense to me. But why does this feeling of love also fill them with happiness? Psychologically, I'm thinking along the lines of evolution in that if you are happy around someone you will reproduce with them more. On the other hand, males are polygomous, so they'd be happy to reproduce regardless of whether love was involved. This whole existence of love perplexes me. I don't understand why it exists. If there was no such thing as love, how would society be different? I think people would still reproduce even if they had no feelings for each other. I've heard it said that they feel "complete" when they're around them. Does this mean you were walking around incomplete before? I bet those in love wouldn't have described themselves as such before he or she, quote unquote, fell in love. Can anyone help me understand what is going on here? I can understand lots of other emotions like anger and fearfulness and joy, but love seems different, and it occurs much less frequently. I don't doubt that it exists, because it is so widely described by countless people, but why does it only happen to people once they have reached sexual maturity. This proves that love is closely related to sex, for you can't fall in love with someone at age 7. Why is it that people who have loved and lost say it is hard to ever love another? I mean, I guess it has to do with you admiring them at an extreme level and you connect with who they are. Your brain and emotions get tied in very closely with this person for some reason(but why?), and thus you feel more complete, and if they die of, say, an arrow through the face, part of you dies along with them. Once your brain makes those love connections and wires your brain appropriately based around this person, does their death (metaphorical or no), induce the brain to try to remove those connections since they're no longer useful? This is where I run into a bunch or other questions like whether your brain tries to throw out knowledge and memories. Is everything, everything you ever learned stored somewhere in your head and it's just harder to retrieve? Anyways, those are some of my thoughts on the subject of love. Hopefully they're insightful enough to get you to think for yourself, and if you have anything to add or suggest, as always, just post it.

Day 1

Today was wrent in twain. 9:20-Psychology: The teacher is an old passive talkative man who laughs at jokes that nobody else notices are jokes. He should be a good teacher and psyche sounds like it should be easy enough to ace. 10:20-Anthropology: first I went left to the business building, then went right to the other side of campus and never found the building. So I asked a pedestrian where Olin was and she was going there and it turns out Olin is the business building. Keith is in that class and I know a couple other kids' names, but nothing much else about them. But yay! A copy buddy! I would never cheat though. Myers teaches it and I've heard good things. He seems energetic and encourages discussion. Sounds like a moderately tough course for most, but easy for me. I ate breakfast and Josh found me and I had an conversation buddy. 1:00-Economics. I sat down on time and in the right place, but when he handed out the syllabus it turns out it was Finance class. I asked a neighbor, who looked at my schedule, puzzled for a moment, then said, "it's tuesday." "Oh! Frickin' sweet! This is the best day ever. I got up and left. I had escaped a two hour class, so you can guess I had an apple of joy in my stomach. I went up to keith's and watched Almost Famous. At 320 I had EnglishII. This teacher is the perfect teacher for what I want in an english professor. She's always open for conferences, encourages discussion, and is easy to talk to, but on the other hand is serious about grading papers and grading. She seems like she gives out a lot of C's and B's but I should be able to easily get an A based on the amount of time I'll put into writing and my desire to learn. In case you don't know, I like to write, and I'm interested in learning how to write better. However, I had to distinguish myself, in my own eyes, as someone who speaks up in class. There's this difficulty I have with speaking in front of people I don't know. So I volunteered upon her request to read a passage in a poem. I had no qualms deciding to do it and began reading. But suddenly my heart started racing to the point where I could see it beating through my shirt. My adrenaline had kicked in and I grew short of breath reading. I tried to make it through the passage but it only left my voice weak. I took a longer pause to breath, then gulped down my choking adams apple, and finished reading. I don't know what happened. I don't have a problem with public speaking. I wasn't nervous in my mind, but my body went through all the signs of nervousness. It was like my mind was battling my body in a chess game while the class listened. Anyways, I don't know why, but I'm always unable to speak around strangers because it's so uncomfortable for me, but once I know them, it's extremely easy for me to say what is on my mind. Weird, wouldn't you say? It looks as though, despite my resolve to put forth lots of effort at school, I'll still have plenty of free time. This means more raquetball, Halo, poker, lifting, reading and writing. Finally we got some books, also worded as: I got a book because I need it tomorrow for class. As for Psyche, brian lent me his books, and keith his english books, and I'll get the rest online and save mucho dinero. The book was twelve, which vexed me, because it's only 59 pages long and should be worth about eight at the most. Then it was back here for more co-op w/ keith, dinner, and when he's done w/ karate we go weight lift. It should be exactly the same lift schedule as last semester: tues, thurs, sunday, but the people doing karate switched. My room is still really empty, and I keep whining, "I'm soo looonely!" but I'm getting more used to it. The suite is a lot more empty without bob and his stuff taking up space. He was very talkative and always filled the suite with the sound of his voice, making it seem busy and active. Now, silence replaces his comments. It's much more dull around here. I have to leave soon to lift, but I will return later for more of my thinkings.

Fishy Fish

I'm a small fish in a sea of self-doubt and uncertainty, traversing the coral reefs for the first time, alone and with noone to guide me. But I look back and there are my little fishy friends waiting for me if I decide to turn back. Bravely I glide along the sides of the coral, seeing nothing in front of me but more coral. Along every turn, more coral, yet I realize that at any point there could be a predator waiting in his own domain. I swim like this for minutes until I think it will never end. I grow fearful and lost, but there it's too late to turn back. I pick up the pace, intending to escape this unknown environment, but the coral continues to materialize around each turn. I think I hear something and I catch a glimpse of a disturbance nearby. The sound of flowing water grows hollow in my ears, as I strain to hear any traces of the predator. I swim away from where I think he could be, but I only manage to get myself more lost. Up. Left. Right. Down. Left. I bob and weave my body through tight passages, and the water in my gills feels dead to me. If the predator wants me, he could have me at any time. This could be my last moment. I push through tirelessly and feel the burn. Suddenly, I break free of the city of coral and emerge into a beautiful view of seas of other fish swimming and families of crabs walking single file along the sandy bottom. That's when I know I've made it to safety, and everything is going to be alright. But moments before, I never saw this coming. I remembered that moment when I considered giving up and surrendering to the monster, but I had brushed it off for the snatches of hope I had still in me. It had paid off. The waters before me are sometimes perilous and risky, and often you need that bit of reassurance before you realize it's going to be okay. And the small choices you make to get through the journey don't matter in the end. A left or a right still moves you forward; it won't matter how you got there.

King Me, Cut Me

So I was just blog surfing and now I'm upset. I was having lots of fun not wasting my time and learning and being entertained and things of that nature reading a blog called It's All in the Timing. This person's name is rook, who is a viola player, is ranked #1 in their class, spent a lot of time talking about friendships and has best friends who are female. So I had this picture of who they were, and in their profile it says he's a guy, as opposed to the opposite of a guy (a girl). So yes, I was completely wrong. And the voice I have in my head when I was reading their blogs was emanating from a feminine source, and after I learned Rook was a guy, I reread some stuff to see if it made any sense that he was indeed male, and my internal voice was masculine. I felt foolish, for I was 100% positive it was a female, until I checked the profile. So, she may be lying about gender, but why? Every stereotype I have of females was shot. The name, the viola, the class rank...it all fit perfectly into the category of female. So then I was thinking it was their fault for being so feminine in terms of talking about friendships. Seriously, if you read the posts, they are all things something a girl would write about. Dah. Anyways, I was of the mindset that I would compliment this person on their posts and thoughts, until I learned the terrible misfortune that is their gender. Guys don't compliment guys unless you know them. Otherwise it's classified as hitting on them. I read it somewhere. It's a scientific fact.
But I've just been sitting here at my desk for the last 2 hours reading. I woke up at 1230 for some reason and I'm not tired. I nearly destroyed my alarm clock this morning trying to turn it off with haste and fury, then returned to sleep. I woke up to Mark saying the F word repeatedly. His schedule got F***ed up, hardcore. One of his classes got the time changed, and now he can't take physics, and the classes just aren't being offered to accomodate his major, and now he'll probably have to take summer classes to stay on track. Last semester Microscopy got cancelled at the last second and that messed him up bad too. So mark isn't off to a good beginning. And nick's check didn't go through and today is just generally people running around getting everything fixed. Not me though! I'm lazily sitting here on my ass doing what I will. In fact, I'm actually starving and my stomach is eating itself. I haven't been this hungry in weeks. But if I was to eat I would have to get dressed, like put on socks and boots and coat and maybe even some pants, then trudge through multiple inches of snow for five minutes, only to arrive at a suboptimal eating facility during non-peak hours, so all they would have is cereal and bagels. I actually hadn't judged fairly how cold it was, but when Brian came in, he was covered in snow and his face was frozen red from cold, biting wind. I suppose I'll have to leave eventually though, to add a PE class I don't want, but need for the reason that it'll boost my GPA and that it's free. It won't even boost my GPA, it'll just be another A on a long list of A's, but since I'm allowed two more credits potentially, I'm going to take it since I paid for it anyways.
Recently I'm having this problem where I'll reach up to stretch or scratch my head and I'll have no hair on my head. I'll have a mini-heart attack, then realize I got my hair cut a few days ago. But I still expect to have hair on my head. It's really weird to think it's there then feel the truth. My hair is fun to play with though. I'm having fun doing it in between sentences. I thought about going all the way and going bald. It's nerf or nothing. I also thought I would be a lot colder without hair than I actually am. Or maybe it's just the fact that Alfred keeps these dorms in the 70's, and I can sleep comfortably with just a sheet. If I was at home, the walls are insulated poorly, and the downstairs wood fire isn't kept going on high all the time, so the house is frequently cold. The temperature fluxuates a lot on the farm. My sister was over yesterday, helping me pack, and she made the point that it was sad that her old room and my old room upstairs, are now being used as a refrigerator for alcoholic beverages. Speaking of alcoholic drinks, my mom a couple days ago was talking with my aunt, who was suggesting a recipe to cook. My mom: "oh that's okay, I don't really cook anymore." Aunt Gayle: "well you must cook sometime, so here." My mom: "No, John or Casey do all the cooking. We don't really have dinner anyway. My idea of a good dinner is beer and potato chips." My Aunt, thinking her joking: "hahaha, is that your idea?" My mom: "yeah, usually it's beer and potato chips. (pausing) and maybe a vegetable." I've seen my mom eat these things for dinner. The sad part is, when my dad was bringing it up as a comical conversation about my mom's comments, she proceeded to defend it! She said "no, beer is protein, chips are starch, vegetable is vegetable group, then all you need is a fruit." (I guess she neglected dairy). I pointed out that the calories in beer were from the alcohol, not from a healthy source, and potato chips were not healthy by any means, but it's hard to get through to her once she has an idea in her head. So if you one day find yourself eating chips and beer for a dinner, you're not alone, and it gets my mom's approval as per it's nutritional benefits.
Anyways, if ever you're bored and aren't opposed to reading, blog surf to your mind's desire. It truly is the most fun and worthwhile thing to read in my mind. I suppose it's a plus that reading about other people's lives doesn't make me feel like I have no life. It may or may not be true. But even those with no lives still have a life they live, so does it matter? As always, my belief is that generally things aren't as important as others make them out to be. You say huge catastrophic failure, I say it didn't work. Life's just easier to live if you have tough skin. Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all the small stuff. That a book title by the way. Don't overdue it and live like the author of The Power of Now. He lives almost exclusively in the present at all times, neglecting emotions, as they stem from something in the past or future. For eight years of his life he did absolutely nothing. It amazes me he's still alive. I'll give you the book if you're interested. Anyways, I'm debating whether I want to increase my traffic to this site. Nobody ever reads my words! I know how I could do it, and do it really well, but I also kinda like having an exclusive audience, even though I don't know what that audience is. I assume it consists mainly of people I know and who visit my profile, because I don't know how else you'll stumble upon it. Yes, the lack of comments saddens me. Do people have no thoughts on the things I say? Do I leave them speechless? Am I so far gone, that debate is futile? Am I not worth the effort it takes to respond? Questions plague my mind then quickly get exterminated by the resolution that laziness prevails over all. Elyse told me I was crazy today, and that made me happy. It's getting tougher and tougher to remain insane, as the number of insane around you increases, and you start looking saner by comparison. Yes, it's tough work to remain at the top of the chain of insanity, but sometimes I feel I'm up to it. Six months ago, I had no idea who I would become, what I would do. I was at the lenient stage where I could have turned into anyone. Luckily, people like neal have morphed me into a loon I can feel confident being. On the other hand, on many issues, I'm getting a lot more mature about. So I guess I feel like I'm getting wisened and mature, yet simultaneously turning insane and far more social. Anyways, until I repost, probably later today, I'll leave you with a question: what's a good question to end a blog entry with?

Poetry that Rhymes

Here I sit at my desk,
Wishing I could get some rest.
The hours I spent playing hold'em-
wasted. Gone. I barely knew them.
My eyelids close, my fingers crack,
Why haven't I hit the sack?
This habit of mine to stay awake,
needs to end, it's getting late.

And I haven't a roommate,
none at all!
He decided to move
across the hall.
Living with Brian is understandable
(I guess),
but now who will watch me
in the mornings undress?

I'm just kidding we didn't have it that way.
Despite what you think, I'm really not gay.
So come in and join me! It'll be fun!
I promise I won't sexually abuse anyone.
As for video cameras: they don't exist.
That thing behind the dresser...um, it's,
um...yeah. It isn't what it looks like.

Getting back on track,
what I hate,
is pointless reasons
for staying up late.
I should really attempt closing my eyes
Who knows if I will get a surprise?
I just might, somehow, wake up in dreamland,
where sexy maidens ask for my hand.
Then again, they might turn out to be truckers.
That would suck...stupid f***ers.

Either way, I should rest my head,
on my comforting pillow aloft on my bed.

I hope noone reads this;
that would be sad.
My poetry at this hour
tends to be bad:
Ridicule school, fool.
Uncool drool, tool.
Sit on a stool, Captain Cool.

Stuff like that makes me laugh.
It's pitiful rhyming words,
it cuts your potential in half.
Noone takes you seriously when you rhyme
"muffin" with "puffin"
or act like a mime.

Yes, I realize my beat is off.
To place it correctly, you must mid-sentence cough.

It's really hard to not make sexual connotations,
but on a public medium like this,
I must make limitations.

I apologize for rhyming.
It won't happen again,
Unless you ask me to.
Just say why and when.

Attn. Ladies: Free Room

Well I'm back at fuxor noobtown and everything's set and back in working order for the most part. But this time I don't have a roommate. Bob isn't coming back for one reason or another, and now Josh is rooming with Brian. So now I have a double room with just me in it. I managed to bunk the beds to free up space, and I rearranged some stuff, but now it's set up. Anyways, I wasn't really looking forward to coming back, but I wasn't looking forward to staying home either. At least now I'll get back into the swing o' things. I need to remember to burn or throw away my Thermo and other such evil type textbooks I won't be needing.
I'm soo lonely! My room is too quiet and everyone else is in their room talking to their roommate and chillin'. Okay, I got some Michael Jackson playin. And my desk has this backing to it that extends forward with a shelf, but it's too short for me to place my speakers under it forward, so it has to be sideways. This will not work. The sound emination is poorly directed. Crwap!! My mousepad has a crack in the plastic! This will not do. This will NOT do. Unacceptable. Now I must go afford myself a new pad for my mouse. Oh, I also don't have any school supplies. I will be taking donations. I need everything so far besides looseleaf paper, mechanical pencils, and two .5 inch 3-ring binders I located for 50 cent. Anyways, I got a desk just for studying with, and I won't ever have anyone to disturb me from the studying that will no doubt occur in this living space. My room still is in need of some decorative fandangly furbelows. I did manage to put up a 6x2 foot poster that says "go sarah #8 heavy D I love you" on it since it was lying in the room after being created by killian and josh last semester. Bliggity bloo, I have nothing to do. Perhaps I will go to sleep. I left my Xbox at my house thinking I would have better things to do. Hopefully I will once school resumes, but until then I will think myself stupid because here I sit bored. Oh yeah, I still have some clothing to place in drawers. I will do that. I will miss bob.

Another Nightless Day

Few can understand the plight of the blogger and what it feels like to have the desire and pressure to blog on a regular basis. I don't know where it comes from, but there it is: this need to return to the keyboard and express thoughts. Oh yeah, I just remembered, I'm fucked. Fuckity fucked. That's a bad thing. I'm supposed to wake up at 10am tomorrow? Wait, that's in under four hours! Tomorrow starts in 3.67 hours! This is unacceptable. Where did that frickin' time machine go? That would solve my problems. I just get so distracted with music playing (badass techno and crazy hardcore trance on occasion) that I start reading and I don't stop. I read about people's lives and I come away knowing a lot about them. I was reading this one blog that I got started on because i was looking for a jack skellington hat and she had a picture of herself wearing it, and then i read a bunch. She was under lots of pressure day after day with classes and work and then she'd go home and scream at her blog. The worst part was that she didn't even have a sense of humour about it, and I kept reading regardless. Somehow, even without the entertainment value of humor, I was enthralled with this person ready to explode day after day. So I curse at myself for being amused at somebody's stressed lifestyle. One thing that would be grand is if I learned how to type. That would be awesome. I can't type a sentence without making a typo. In that last sentence alone I made four errors. Crap! My fingers are not working at all. This is not good. It is bad. It is a bad, bad thing, that will hurt...many people...that are good! This state I'm in, where I know I'm screwed from lack of sleep yet I continue to do nothing about, is annoying! I don't even recognize that I'm tired. I wish I got tired because then I could go to sleep like normal people, who I assume sleep each and every day like it's part of their schedule. The worst part is that the last time I was up all night like this I thought I would be up all day fine, but then at about 11am I would just pass out from lack of sleep and there is nothing within me to resist the comforting relief sleep provides. Sleep is the best! And whatever happened to my dreams? I used to dream every night and they just decided to leave. This sucks. I want my dreams back. My dreams are filled with things that both amuse and excite me. If there was a contest to see who had the best dreams, I would win and you would cream yourself at how amazing they are. So...yeah, I need to do stuff. It's sad, but my feeling for next week is more based along the lines of hope: I hope that I go to sleep on time and feel ambitious and all the things that I'm not as of this week. It doesn't just come along. It's like that miracle pill that helps you lose weight that Americans are waiting for that will never come. Or maybe it's not like that at all. Regardless, I have to make it happen, and not just pray that it will work out the way I want it to. I wonder if there is a job out there for people who make up words? I can come up with some good ones sometimes, but I'm not going to share them with you. You might patent them and be rich when everybody starts using my words that I didn't patent, and I don't wish success upon anybody but myself. The riches and future involved in the word-creating field are mine! Oh, and what's the deal with women and their obsession with weirdy wacky diets? I'm talking vegans here and vegetarians and tofu, which is just gross and the calorie cutting and all that. Alex's girl is vegan and he was complaining/ talking about this weird-serving food restaurant they would visit and how it delivered to vegetarians. I don't know what these people's deals are. What's wrong with meat? Somebody needs to teach them a lesson about the circle of death/life via The Lion King and that it's healthy and things of that nature. Best of all, meat is delish! There are those who have told me that based on how many carbohydrates and meats I consume in any given day, I will evolve into a portly or obese man, but that's when I sucker punch those bitches and say no way. It's not in my genes, plus there's the fact that if I started to gain weight I would make changes. But in the mean time, what I'm talking about is that exercise has been neglected far more than it should. Sure, it might keep you thin, but it's not keeping you healthy like me! Who do I have to do around here to get the message across? I'm thinking of a few people in particular who this pertains to, and if you're reading this, yes, I'm stickin' it to you based on your lifestyle. Perhaps I should go live in Nigeria. I don't believe they have quite the obesity problem we face in the us. I'm not having a tantrum. I apologize. That comes next week. Oh shucks this just got even gayer because now 10am is in even less time! I suppose on the plus side I won't have to set my alarm clock. Crap, I already set it. Nooooo! There are so many people out there it's insane. For me, it's impossible to grasp the full dimension of it: that there are billions of people, each with their own brains and thoughts and lives and webs of friends and relatives. It blows my mind. Almost everyone just accepts that there is themself and then the rest of the world, with their friends and such just a step closer to them than the rest of the world. The brain only sees what it can potentially understand. It's far too easy to just say, "yep, there are billions," but it's something else to start to comprehend it. It's hard enough to think of the lives of all the people just within your neighborhood, city, state, or country. Are we not ourselves machines? That's something else altogether that has no simple answer. But suddenly I lack the desire to do anything because I just noticed my neck is hot from strain and my back hurts from slouching. This appears to be one of those situations where not accepting that it is the truth won't work. It is now 7am. All this time I've been planning on getting some sleep before I woke up, but it's getting harder and harder to fathom myself getting sleep at this point. Anyways, I haven't left my cubicle of a room in about seven hours and it might be getting to my head. Did you notice the carrot award? I like it. I think the carrot would say something practical like "I'm bored," but carrots don't think too much. They're not very intelligent, but they would have great vision if they teamed up with a potato. Ow, my back. I need to go lay down. Keep jammin.

Why Break is Long

So at one point some great analyst went to alfred and said "you get the Sucks Cock award" based on the degree of toughness of engineering courses and number of art students. Realizing that students wouldn't want to come back to alfred, let alone return with any hint of enthusiasm, some genius came up with the idea of giving us Alfredians wayyyy too long of a winter break. By the end of this break, students would hopefully be ready and willing to go back to college. They like to remind us that when there isn't pressure of schoolwork to be done, there's always a home to return to, with parents that take away all your freedoms and make you hate life. I'm not necessarily speaking of myself, but lots of my friends dislike their parents/household. Then add on the fact that a bunch of kids return to college earlier, so that the last week here is filled with a lack of friends and anything fun to do, and you have yourself a bored teen. Yes, when you don't have a job/never want one, life gets boring and redundant, but it's the fact that Alfred purposely makes kids bored as a means of manipulating our emotions to return to college with a sense of relief so that when our parents first ask us how college is we will respond "good!", that really bugs me. This design they've come up with to give us all our break at one time is not only wasted, it is EVIL. We basically get summer break, winter break, and jewish holidays off. All those other holidays celebrated by every other college are neglected by our great administration, and we don't get a spring break. Yes, it's tyrannical and manipulative and I hate it. It would be far better to the extreeeme if breaks were spread out. Take this last week or two of break we've just had and spread it out through the next semester, and you have two weeks worth of well-appreciated days. Countless are the times during school when I would have cherished a day off of school sometime that week to catch up or goof off. Having days off now is a complete waste because you have nothing to rest up for or rest up from, and thus rest is not appreciated, and then there's also the lack of fun activities. I don't like long breaks. So that is my stance on breaks that are too long: they make me unhappy.
Anyways, I've been having fun recently. Today I played my dad in raquetball at his urging. He clearly assumed he would win, though he never said so, because when I started to kick his ass he got angry and started cursing under his breath. My dad usually never curses, but he sounded angry. I got the impression that he didn't want to lose and lightened up enough to have him win game two, but he still never smiled. He was taking it way too personal and serious, and my comments like "nice hit" and acting skills like I couldn't get there in time were of no consequence to his state of mind. See, he used to be good at everything he did, and when he played raquetball in the 70's, he was the best in the finger lakes region and won tournaments and such. It's hard to reveal to someone that they have gotten too old to compete with a highly athletic 18 year-old. He was keeping track of every point and being way too serious. So raquetball for me was more painful than fun because I had to witness his frustration with his oldness and his cursings at things. So what did I learn? Nothing that I can think of. Then he tells me he loved playing raquetball with me and didn't even remember who won. I guess I still had fun, but felt bad for winning at the same time.
Recently I just built a deck that changed like 5 times in the process. It started out being a red/green splice deck, then evolved into a r/g splice/shaman deck, then a g/r shaman deck, then a g/b shaman/control deck. It should be fun to play tomorrow. We're getting together at Neal's house at 1pm I guess. 1pm might not work for me; I told my dad I was free until the night time and I just got word of the time and place and it's too late to notify anyone. But my dad told me to wake up at 10am tomorrow, as a means of slowly rotating into the time frame I should be experiencing while at school. Ugh. I also destroyed 4 decks that weren't complete or hadn't played due to the suckiness inherent in the cards. I own the song but I just recently saw the awesome video today: http://www.internetdj.com/article.php?storyid=477. As far as videos of sexy women with power tools go, this one could be the best. I also saw a funny blog called 'my period' and now I have a strong desire to buy a hat. Anyways, perhaps I will have my techno questions answered tomorrow as a result of gagne's presence. Dirty wenches, ahoy! And I love when I try to publish my blog and it says some type of error happened and it gets erased. It's a very good thing I copy what I wrote right before I click publish, or I would feel very depressed and would start throwing things. It's not that my blog is important, it's that I would feel that my time spent here was a complete waste. If it was important enough to be thought up, then it's worth saving. All my thoughts are legendary. I would hate for a piece of me to be lost. It would require that I have blogger's head on a platter, if there is a person named blogger responsible for this site, and there should be. Anyways, I'm going to try to publish this again. Waste yourselves, clowns with dysentery!

Today Was Trueday

Often the worst beginning of these entries is that I have to think of a title for which to summarize what I'm talking about. Problem is: I don't know what I'm going to talk about or how to title it(titlize would be a sweet word). So gags came up at 12 and set up the sweet sweet program I now own and we heard some amazing music that's better than anything I own, and gagne had written some of it. He showed me a bunch of things that are important to know about the program, but mostly I'll just have to fiddle with it for a few weeks. We played raquetball and gagne isn't as bad as I thought. I wasn't playing badly, but I wasn't playing my best, and I beat him two out of three. It's almost as though winning was a disappointment because I had hoped that he could be someone I would come back to and say "I'll take you next time" to. But we did some sweet stuff today like halo2, football, smash and magic as well. I'm excited to start working on music but at the same time I'd wish I could just dive in and start making the music without learning the program. Oh, I guess I have nothing valuable to say. Let's just say for instance, all important thoughts had grown a distance. I'm not willing to say I look forward to school, because once I'm experiencing it I always scold myself for thinking school might be fun, but I will say I'm ready for it. I return Sunday and I'll get to see in my suite again, which might be fun. And derek said he'd be there! That punk had best stay true to his word. Oh, I was being very true today because most of my comments were getting the response, "very true" from gagne today. It feels satisfying to say valuable things. Things like "sweatshirts look amazing on women" and "ponytails are good, but not nearly as amazing as curly hair." Those mark some of the most important and valuable things I have said recently. So now I can start learning FLoops. I will do it. I will do it nine times.

Cranium=Cataclysmic Failure

So today was the day I predicted nobody would show and I was right. People all had things to do. Since, I had gotten so many maybe's, it would have been more work to call everyone and tell them it was off, and my sister put a big 'L' on her forehead, which I deserved. But today was quite fun, except for the morning, when I woke up at 1230 after going to bed at 530. I was in a daze for a while, but we got the driveway plowed. But today my sister showed us how to make pizza dough and we put on our individual toppings and had a taste contest to see whose pizza came out the best. I think Cora's won, mine second, dad's third, and Mom just had bad selections of ingredients on her pizza that nobody liked. But it was probably the most fun family activity to have occurred in recent years. I went with the pineapple and pepperoni, diced tomatoes, some basil and lots of mozzarella and parmesan, and a slice of peach(which wasn't bad). Anyways, the fabrication process was family fun and the food was good and can only get better in terms of quality since we all shared how we would improve each one.
Then we played Cranium, and as anyone knows, a game involving mom is never easy. It took us 10 times longer to explain the rules to her, because she is dense and easily confused and follows it up with an inability to listen after she asks a question. So both our teams sucked horribly: dad and I got stuck on a category that neither of us knew the person we were supposed to act out, and mom and cora were a sad sight, so the game was close. My mom does some very very funny acting though, her drawings are unrecognizable and thus funny, and she hums the tune to a different song. It's quite funny. After an hour and a half gagne showed up and took my dad's place and the game went about the same. For one of them I had to act out "cocktail dress." He guessed the dress quickly, but my acting of a cocktail wasn't coming close with the drink version, so I was forced to gesture and you can see where it worked. It wasn't my fault though, really. I did it for the good of the team. For the last question I had to draw a "convent" and gagne had to guess it before my mom could guess based on my sister's drawing. My art skills seriously lack, but I tried a lot of different ways to describe the word. First I went with drawing a convention in terms of the person talking and the room surroundings and he didn't understand the microphone, so I drew a good microphone and he still didn't get it. So I drew a person holding it and the mouth near it...nothing. I couldn't draw a video camera, so I went with a picture camera, which took a long time to guess, even though I thought with the presence of the eye and everything was quite good...nothing. So I drew a picture frame and he guessed picture which lead to camera which lead to microphone and then he was stuck again. I drew a vent and that was successful. Then I tried drawing a con so I went with a person in handcuffs going into a police car and he guessed everything but the word "con." So I tried use it's definition to get him to think of it, con meaning against. So I drew a ladder leaning against a wall, and a pole leaning against a wall, and a person leaning on someone's shoulder...nothing. Then I tried to point out that it was leaning against the wall. So I drew a lion, then a steak he was eating and he guessed it was meat. Then I drew a fat person, crossed out the fat and he guessed it was lean meat, then the link between leaning against and con were forgotten. So I drew professionals in baseball, football, a judge, going for the word professional, and he had learned when I X something out it meant the opposite of. The judge was apparently horribly rendered and he kept going with construction worker when I had clearly drawn a desk. Anyways, this was getting nowhere until magically he guessed it for the game winner! My mom had apparently had equal amounts of trouble guessing because my sister had thought a convent was a place you put criminals, and I had thought it was a place you put crazy people. So I had even drawn a jacket and made it straight and put a person in it and had them all going to a building and you can guess why this didn't work. It helps if you know the definition of the word. So what I learned from all this is that I suck, and my family sucks, and Cranium, and even despite the complete lack of adequacy we brought to the table, it was fun. Also, don't roll a green, because you'll get stuck on having to act out a person, like Joe Friday, who you've never heard of. For anyone who was out there wondering "I wonder if Casey would be a good partner for Cranium," now you know, the answer is most definitely not, but I will try if you want me to.
Anyways, gagne and I then played Super Smash Bros for a couple hours and we're a great matchup, and despite the competition we kept it lighthearted and lots of fun. Of course, a couple times he got embarrassed when I busted out indisputably the worst character in the game, JigglyPuff, and beat him once then beat him again in his rematch. It's hilarious because it's JigglyPuff and the character is so bad it shouldn't be able to come close to winning ever, let alone win. But I guess I mastered that thing enough that I took away most of his flaws and worked where he is okay at. Then we moved onto Halo2 at 10 and that was fun. Gagne is a good character because even though he didn't have a chance, he could laugh at his deaths. One game was 25-4, another 25-9, stuff like that. But given that I know the levels and he had forgotten, I had a big advantage. Then add in my ridiculous sniper skills/shots and it's a joke. We played a fun rockets game, and I taught him a couple things to help in multi games. In short, playing Halo2 is fun, yet I need to buy the original game. We talked a bit as he was leaving and he agreed to help set up Fruity Loops on my computer tomorrow, and I give him the money for the upgrade for the assistance, so we both benefit. And it turns out that he's free tomorrow, and he's never ever had a free day to my knowledge, so he's coming up tomorrow at 12, setting up FL and some other music and software he has, then we'll play raquetball at the Y. So tomorrow is automatic fun! And I get to start making music! Pluses! Cheer up!

Hmm...Poker will flop

So...yeah. Apparently nobody can go to poker. Blair has plans w/ my arch nemesis, Keith has a date at the movies, Brian has a family illness, Ben said maybe, Jon is at college, I haven't called greg or gags yet, and adam said probably. So maybe noone will come, but at very best I could have brian, greg, gags and adam and ben. I have no predictions, but I'm guessing 1 person for a while, then 2 or 3. I guess if I was optimistic I could think that it will be fun regardless of who comes. Oh, and then there's the issue of whether to play for money, which I wanted to do, but given the people that are coming, we're not going to play for cash. Poop. Ocean's Twelve was good but I don't get why they had to stage the whole Julia Roberts business after they had already landed themselves in jail. I mean, why did they have to even land themselves in jail if they had already gotten the job done? I don't quite understand why they did some o' the things they did, but the movie was fun to watch. I loved the part where the Night Fox dodged the lasers. That shit was just cool. Hmm. I'm not sure whether it's better to limit the number of invites myself or invite them and let them make the decision. It's hard to word something saying "I like your personality and don't have a problem with you coming, but you might not fit in with the other people I invited." I suppose what most people would tell me is that I should invite friends and let them decide for themselves. Anyway, friend clashes suck because they put me in the spot of who to invite, and if they find out later I was talking to them and hadn't invited them to something I was planning, they'll feel hurt and keep it to themselves. Lately I'm having the problem that I think of cool things to write in the form of poetry or great lines that should be captured, but I never write them down, and when I sit down to write I never remember what I had, and never think of those types of things. I think the situation I have when I'm writing is different enough from regular thinking that it keeps me from thinking in the poetical way I sometimes morph into. I gotta get me some paper and pencils. On that list of things to get goes Fruity Loops, an alarm clock, school supplies, a calendar, posters, and an agenda for organization. Typical american guy asks for unnecessary items, whereas kids in a hundred other countries ask for nothing. Dammit. I'm in the perfect mood for writing music. And once I write it, I assume I can post it online. Gagne has gotten really good, Brian tells me, and he already was really good from what he had written. You know what, I think I can't think of poetry now because I'm subconsciously afraid I'm not good at it, and things I think are good really aren't. If I write it and you read it and it isn't any good then I'll have someone out there thinking I suck at writing. I'm afraid of failure. I need to learn to take more chances knowing that failure is an option. Whenever I do something, I've always been a person that excels at it. I'll either do it until I get good, or I won't do it at all. So how did I manage to get good at so many things? Or maybe I just stop when it starts getting hard? When I run out of nearby competition to challenge me, I move on. That's how it has been for almost everything. I'll get good enough to be considered good by anyone who might be around to play against, because I would hate for them to think that I suck at something I thought I was good at. I don't mind sucking at things I've never tried before, but I hate to be the one who says I practiced it for months and still suck. Let's see: magic, ping pong, raquetball, wrestling, skiing, poker, Halo, chess, euchre, risk, cooking...to name a few things I've tried to be great at, yet try to stay humble at all the same. I should really learn to step away from trivial things like board and card games and excel at real things in life like learning people skills. This next semester I've got to step away from time wasters like television and Halo, AIM convos and useless chatter, and meander my way into reading books by famous writers and getting homework and studying done without the procrastination that has always been a part of my recent academic stay. I remember I used to get hw done and then ask myself if I had anything I could get ahead on, then do that. The next day I could enter class and brag about how I had it all done while others complained how they had tons of such work yet to do. I used to be better than procrastination, but now it has turned into something I'll think of and say, "eh, I'll deal with it sooner or later." As far as someone's site to visit that's both a mix of wit and humor, but mostly humor, visit sexual positions free dot com. That's right, I'm splitting it into words so people who scan this crap without reading it and just looking for something that sticks out won't think I'm a sicko chasing pornographic sites. I'm here to reward those who read every word I laboriously connected finger movements together to form. The site is entirely unporno related, except for the part where it talks about sexual positions in a humorous manner using wooden dolls. I especially love how he burns people with his sarcasm and humor in the section called "stupid ass emails." They're well worth reading. Once again, my room has become bone-chillingly devoid of heat as proved by my freezing feet and ice cold nose. Yet here I have remained, stubbornly resisting the temperature with a will to let the thought train pass. I'm not ready to try to duck my car in between train cars, nor am I willing to ignore it. Plus, with my music here, and my spankin' headphones adorned to tickle my musical brain tissue, I can tune out the temperature for minutes at a time. Sometime tomorrow my sister is arriving, but at the same time I've got to pick up the house. I've got a bit of a disconsonant personality in that I try to pick up after myself and get annoyed at messes my parents leave because it reflects on me, but on the other hand, my room is a mess. I try to keep my car clean of crap, which my dad interminably keeps full of tools and crap he needs for work. My mom's car is so full of junk it takes several minutes just to clear off a seat and her old room upstairs is cluttered to the point where walking is treacherous. Papers are pointlessly saved in this household: she has a newspaper from 2001 upstairs and she cuts out articles and fails to throw them out when the month ends. She is a pack rat and though I hate saving stuff like she does, I usually lack the ambition to empty my room of the clutter that has accumulated over time. Instead, I let it bother me on a daily basis. Perhaps I just need someone to make that little step and say, "come on, let's clean this room up" on a day when I'm feeling ambitious. At least I've kept it from getting worse by cleaning up each day what I left behind. Blaaa crap. I resolve to clean up my room before this break ends! That's too unspecific: I'll clean it up the next day I'm left with several hours of freedom. That's good. Good job, Casey. You figured out what you wanted, and rather than continue to gripe over it, you stepped it up and decided to take action. I'm so proud of your development. Thanks. The song called "Rain" by Brainbug helped inspire me. I think this blogging marks my 50th blog on this blog! Yay, from now on when I look at "show 50" previous blogs, it won't show everything! Excellent. I suppose it's time I tucked myself in and began the process of my warming up. Damnit I'm cold. Once again, it's one of those things I gotta take action about and quit whining. Peace out, doggies!

Run from the Cops!

I'm going to see that movie witht those people at 915 but for now, I have nothing to do. I went to places to buy things today with my dad and got some boots and headphones and the headphones are kickin right now. Anyways, I had some interesting dreams. In the last dream I had, first I was this guy who was asked to take some hot lady somewhere. And I said sure, I got the car, but I didn't own a car. So I casually saw a car I wanted and jimmied the door while she watched, thinking it was my car. As I was breakin in the Van with a key I had, the lady who owned the car was carrying her groceries over to her car, and just as she began to protest, the doors had been closed and the lady I was with took off, not noticing that the car had been stolen. We drove for a while and soon the police were on our tail and despite her confusion, she decided to run from the cops. So we were on a high speed car chase with a woman driver: normally I would fear for my life. But I then unconciously and fluently became the woman, and was making decisions where to go on the high ways and city streets. Being everyone in your dreams is a great advantage. So this went on for multiple minutes, then we veered off and ran down into a forrested valley. We jumped down the valley, which turned out to be nearly vertical. So we cascaded down the cliff with haste, trying to avoid death by hitting trees and slowing our decent, and soon we were at the bottom and ducked under the overhang which accompanies creeks. We sat and talked for a bit and we had apparently lost the cops, but when I looked out a cop saw me and our cover was blown. Oh, and we were in Africa, and the cliff kept going lower. Oh snap, and there was snow there suddenly, despite the fact that it was summer in Africa a few minutes ago. So as I was descending, I fell into a hole, and slid down the slide that was a narrow hidden tunnelcave and fell a long ways until I stopped and found myself in a temple. I new I had given them the slip, found an exit and ran away from the forrest and headed towards society. That's when I was woke up. It's time that I should leave this joint and see the movie and grab some food.

Hurting Eyes

As a note to myself, I should try to invite blair, blong, gags, kleehammer and keith for poker, but i'm not confident it will work out. Trying to get everyone together last minute never seems to work. Oh JB might come too. Today was a wasted effort; I learned nothing and did nothing but watch TV, and my goal to fix my sleep schedule blundered as my power nap turned into an 8 hour sleep and I woke up at 6pm feeling guilty for sleeping all day and ruining my plan. I saw some interesting football games, one went into 5 periods of overtime, and saw blind date and buffy and Mad and SNL and finally some poker. I guess I got to think a little differently about poker as a result of watching that, but other than that and my consuming of a delicious omelette, the ninth should never be remembered for anything. I would write a short story, but I'm running short on my supply of effort and ideas. I might be able to sleep, which would indisputably be the best use of my time right now, so I will try that. Too much tv makes my eyes hurt and I must put forth a solid attempt at ending concious thoughts.

Random Thoughts at 9am

When else am I awake at 810am when I haven't not pulled an all-nighter? The sleepiness has not yet entered my eyes or brain. It's Snowing! Anyways, I been up doing random crap. Brian just signed off not too long ago, maybe 6 or 7 or 8. I've totally lost track of time in that sense. But I'm always reading some article or blog or something. And I have a grand announcement to make: we've gone national! That's right: the visitors to this site are no longer strictly from the US. I got two hits from Spain! What now. Oh-I'm still not getting the random anonymous responses I crave and thus I can't write to suit my audience because I just have to guess what they want. Once again I will state my opinion that I believe this to be total crap. My insecurities that I am not delivering to the proper audience are enhancing themselves and I'm powerless to prevent it! Anyways, I checked out Fruity Loops and version five came out but apparently it's 100$ to the best of my knowledge, whereas last years version is $50, or maybe I could even gank the program for free if I wanted. So I have the dilemma of whether I want to spend 100, 50 or 0 dollars. I want to write music because for the last few months I've had on and off desires to put my musical creations to program and feel accomplished. The program seems simple enough with a few hours practice, and the only reason I stopped writing techno was that I no longer have the software since my computer crashed over the summer. That along with the fact that I have little patience and will often opt for much less brain draining activities, aka watching tv that's already been turned on(since I rarely turn on the TV myself), or doing the various other activities that accompany my life. Oh and apparently even I can sometimes have deep thoughts and an "interesting theory" every once and a while. This was made in reference to my comment that people don't really change, they just make choices they've never made before. It's still them making those choices. College, for example, doesn't change people, it merely opens up a different lifestyle and if you presented them with that same scenario, their behavior is bound to happen due to their character. That was more or less the point I made earlier tonight and at least one person thought it meant something other than that I'm on LSD, crack, heroine, marijuana, opium, ecstasy and a slew of other drugs mixed together to create a super-ultra drug of stupendous mayhem that I'm not taking. I suddenly became hungry. Seems logical enough since I don't recall any substantial food I had yesterday since 4pm. I ate a lot of cookies, sugar cookies yesterday: maybe 3 cookies and then 3 more in dough form. And I had a couple yogurts, but manufacturing companies like Yoplait, despite their good product, package them in little, dinky 4 ounce containers that are almost a waste of your time if you're after something to quell the hunger pains. Then again, if they sold containers of their yogurt in 36 ounce tubs, I would eat one and never want to have yogurt again. These crafty dairy mages have clearly found the middle path and despite my complaints, as a consumer I have proven that their methods are effective against even those who want to protest. Now Ben is on and complaining about my grand design for sleep. Strange--how people can have such ridiculously perpendicular patterns of RMS, yet function together as a society and as a group of friends, no less. I didn't intend to fix my sleep cycle tonight, but the desire for sleep never arose, thus tonight's the night. Crap, my dad just woke up and is now making a clatter below me. I will no doubt get stupidly tired sometime between now and 9pm but I must not give in to temptation. Nay--I will stand strong, holding firm in my resolve to tear down then rebuild my cycle of sleep. I think the fact that my room was heated the whole night through had a large role to play in my staying awake, because when it gets cold in here, I'll start shivering and freezing my legs off and the only place of escape from the element that is the climate in my upstairs room is between a mattress and some covers. Tonight the heat was left on for some reason, and that, combined with the powers of my flannel-style pajama pants (with penguins!), did the trick. I was contemplating different ways to approach my blog, to get more creative in my masterful sewer for the rain that is my desire to type, such as write poetic crap or reviews or short stories. So far, I've thought this over a couple times and come to a conclusion that I need to be more decisive in shorter increments of chronology (if I can state "amount of time" in as verbose of words correctly). I think I should occasionally do strange things, if they should strike my fancy, for the good of the webpage. Once again I will be taking suggestions. I would continue this conversation but for the fact that my dad walked up the stairs and declared at the top of his voice that he needs the phone. Were you as remotely located as me, you would understand that this is derived from the fact that out here in the country, we don't receive the services known as cable that so many of you urban-dwellers do. I should do right with his request.

Kablamostyle We're National!

When else am I awake at 810am when I haven't not pulled an all-nighter? The sleepiness has not yet entered my eyes or brain. It's Snowing! Anyways, I been up doing random crap. Brian just signed off not too long ago, maybe 6 or 7 or 8. I've totally lost track of time in that sense. But I'm always reading some article or blog or something. And I have a grand announcement to make: we've gone national! That's right: the visitors to this site are no longer strictly from the US. I got two hits from Spain! What now. Oh-I'm still not getting the random anonymous responses I crave and thus I can't write to suit my audience because I just have to guess what they want. Once again I will state my opinion that I believe this to be total crap. My insecurities that I am not delivering to the proper audience are enhancing themselves and I'm powerless to prevent it! Anyways, I checked out Fruity Loops and version five came out but apparently it's 100$ to the best of my knowledge, whereas last years version is $50, or maybe I could even gank the program for free if I wanted. So I have the dilemna of whether I want to spend 100, 50 or 0 dollars. I want to write music because for the last few months I've had on and off desires to put my musical creations to program and feel accomplished. The program seems simple enough with a few hours practice, and the only reason I stopped writing techno was that I no longer have the software since my computer crashed over the summer. That along with the fact that I have little patience and will often opt for much less brain draining activities, aka watching tv that's already been turned on(since I rarely turn on the TV myself), or doing the various other activities that accompany my life. Oh and apparently even I can sometimes have deep thoughts and an "interesting theory" every once and a while. This was made in reference to my comment that people don't really change, they just make choices they've never made before. It's still them making those choices. College, for example, doesn't change people, it merely opens up a different lifestyle and if you presented them with that same scenario, their behavior is bound to happen due to their character. That was more or less the point I made earlier tonight and at least one person thought it meant something other than that I'm on LSD, crack, heroine, marajuana, opium, exstacy and a slew of other drugs mixed together to create a super-ultra drug of stupendous mayhem that I'm not taking. I suddenly became hungry. Seems logical enough since I don't recall any substantial food I had yesterday since 4pm. I ate a lot of cookies, sugar cookies yesterday: maybe 3 cookies and then 3 more in dough form. And I had a couple yogurts, but manufacturing companies like Yoplait, despite their good product, package them in little, dinky 4 ounce containers that are almost a waste of your time if you're after something to quell the hunger pains. Then again, if they sold containers of their yogurt in 36 ounce tubs, I would eat one and never want to have yogurt again. These crafty dairy mages have clearly found the middle path and despite my complaints, as a consumer I have proven that their methods are effective against even those who want to protest. Now Ben is on and complaining about my grand design for sleep. Strange--how people can have such rediculously perpendicular patterns of RMS yet function together as a society and as a group of friends, no less. I didn't intend to fix my sleep cycle tonight, but the desire for sleep never arose, thus tonight's the night. Crap, my dad just woke up and is now making a clatter below me. I will no doubt get stupidly tired sometime between now and 9pm but I must not give in to temptation. Nay--I will stand strong, holding firm in my resolve to tear down then rebuild my cycle of sleep. I think the fact that my room was heated the whole night through had a large role to play in my staying awake, because when it gets cold in here, I'll start shivering and freezing my legs off and the only place of escape from the element that is the climate in my upstairs room is between a mattress and some covers. Tonight the heat was left on for some reason, and that, combined with the powers of my flannel-style pajama pants (with penguins!), did the trick. I was contemplating different ways to approach my blog, to get more creative in my masterful sewer for the rain that is my desire to type, such as write poetic crap or reviews or short stories. So far, I've thought this over a couple times and come to a conclusion that I need to be more decisive in shorter increments of chronology (if I can state "amount of time" in as verbose of words correctly). I think I should occasionally do strange things, if they should strike my fancy, for the good of the webpage. Once again I will be taking suggestions. I would continue this conversation but for the fact that my dad walked up the stairs and declared at the top of his voice that he needs the phone. Were you as remotely located as me, you would understant that this is derived from the fact that out here in the country, we don't receive the services known as cable that so many of you urban-dwellers do. I should do right with his request.

The M word

Today was acceptable by my standards. Woke up at 1, did a series of chores, wasn't contacted by Neal and couldn't contact neal about magic at his dad's house so I assumed it was off, called C. gags, and made plans for magic at 9pm at my house. Then my mom came home and we watched Montel, which was very worthwhile in the sense that it was important because he was coming out saying he had MS (not Word), and was talking about his supreme depression and crying and talking about the disease and his life and said he'd been on every drug out there and medicinal marajuana was the thing that worked the best. Montel has a book out now that would be great reading material. Then Neal called and said he was headed to the mall and I got the invite and he picked me up eventually and on our way in we were pulling in the goody II shop when I saw Brian walking into a door(through it actually), but neal was too busy playing chicken with a Milf and her three young children in that he stopped, she stopped, then they both decided to go and he nearly plowed over them all with his Tank, aka large car. So we headed in to the store, which turned out to be a bar, and saw Brian at a table with a chick named Jacky who I've met before and had some interesting conversations with in the past, but has the unfortunate condition of being 15, maybe 16 now, and is thus dubbed by me as undateable. We sat and talked for a while with Blong and her and by the time we left the Goody II Shop was closed, so we headed to some magic store in Farmington. Just as we walked in he announced he was closing and asked what we wanted and we just said a look around and asked about his magic selection. He showed us his old expansions and explained how he was getting out of selling it because it sold so poorly due to the Den and his store's location and soon we were involved in conversations about all the other card games: Yugi-oh, Harry Potter, Pokemon and the like and how they were doing and age groups they targetted and then it evolved into talk about his vacationing in Killington Vt, and then skiiing and it was fun. Then Jeff offered us reduced magic prices on what he had, like $100 a box for any of the old stuff, which sell for about $140-170, and the $3.80 a pack price became three bucks a pack and neal got 8 packs. I didn't purchase anything of course, not only because I'm a skimp when it comes to consumerism, but because I've always avoided any investment in magic expansions before my time, and my time dates back to Legions and a little bit of Onslaught. I like to pretend those cards don't exist. Plus, it would involve trading, which I avoid on a basis of my principles, and I would never get four-ofs; it's just easier to stick to cards I am familiar with. Anywho, after we left, and Neal eventually found his car keys, we were soon at the Mall, marveling at the profuse amounts of hot women in the 15-20 age category, and Neal even bought some things he set out to buy, but mostly it was a laid-back chill session. When we pulled into his driveway he goes, "oh! my mom needs the car at 830, so we're stranded here." I then made a series of phone calls which resulted in Alex picking us up from my house, since Neal had told him 8pm at my house. Might I add this was twice in one day Alex had been screwed, because he had showed up earlier at the den as a result of neal telling him we would both be there at 2pm, unbeknownst to me, other than that I had suggested we play magic there if Neal's dad's wasn't allowed. I was completely fault free and somehow neal and alex each wanted to spread the blame around and was forced to plead my case that it was completely Neal's doing. But at 9pm we and the gagne were at my house playing magic. We mixed it up a bit and played some 2v2 Emperor matches as I had built an emperor specific deck which flopped as Neal and Alex were each playing Land Destruction, which I've always made a point of stating I hate it. Anyways, some games were really retarded like that and I sunk into that low I get when nothing is working or when I'm playing retardedly good decks against one of my bad decks. But overall I would say it was pleasant and lots of laughter ocurred. Neal is leaving in 30 minutes(4am) to fly over to Colorado for a week to hang in a condo with family. I'm talking with Blong now and we never talk. He Imed me. Weird but I like it. I'm chill-peace.

Poker Night

Today was good because I woke up, took down the tree, and talked with parents and ate food, and my parents were being funny. My mom was making arguments how it was possible to be "brooding pleasantly" and other contradictory things of that nature just to disagree with my dad, even if it didn't make any sense. Then at seven I went to BGs for poker with Keith, Adam, Ben, Jake, Neal, Gagne, Thies and I thought there were nine but maybe just eight. Oh, greg kleehammer. Goody. Yup. Great times. Except that the first two people out, ben and gagne, got fully reimbursed with the amount they started with, which I had a problem with because they were getting more chips than they could have had by winning, and you shouldn't get rewarded for losing and things of that nature, but my vote was vetoed and I wasn't getting things to turn in my favor so a few kids later I was out because of the river. Then next game everyone was in and it was good. We initiated a betting limit of 3x the ante because in the past the betting gets outrageous at the beginning and kids go out fast and then the winner of those first few hands comes out super rich as a result of beginner poker players. So we did that and it worked, I'd say, and an hour into it we repealed it and it was good. Kids were playing crazy games like Spit in the Ocean, Baseball Poker, 5 card stud, and 5 card one draw, which I disapproved of so I sat most of them out either because so much betting was involved or I wasn't familiar with how to play them, but the times I did play I won, and minimal betting was going on in the non-Texas holdem games. Then I was medium rich went all in and poorer people than I won but I won the side-pot and then I was down to 30 chips. I won once more and went up to 50, then a few hands later I got pocket jacks and went all in and was called by two people and I ended up tripling up to become matched with Jake and our chips together were about ben's. Then I won again about 40. Then I put Jake all-in with pair of jacks early and won again and suddenly I was chip leader. Then I went all in, Ben called, and ben and I tied each with a Queen-Six and everyone was wowed. Then I went all in next hand and lost on the river, but I had wanted it to end that hand anways. I am confident that one on one with ben, and many other people, I can take him out any day, so losing bothered me none. Oh, and earlier we were playing Black Jack and betting and I got turned up an Ace. I totally pulled off the "what is the ace again? eleven? And the object is to get 21? so basically I won already" and the next seven people instantly folded to my bet. Adam called just because he wanted to play. He's like "i assume you don't want any cards?" and I said, "no, hit me." It was awesome. Adam burst out laughing along with some other people I had bluffed out and I got high fived and congratulated. Everyone was amazed at my tricks and I enjoyed it also-proof that acting is more than half the battle. Mainly, it just feels great to trick everyone in the room. Anyway, tomorrow I plan to play some magic with the geeks, hopefully at neal's dad's house, else it's at the den because it's at my house way too much, and the den would be a weird place to play. That's it for me and my tricks. Hope to catch ya on the flip side!