New Year's Festivities!
Today marks the first day of the new year. It's excellent how creating a holiday sets a beginning and an end to an amount of time, and all the events associated within that timeframe. Sure, as blair commented, New Year's day is just another day that will pass, but it's more about celebrating the cumulation of the events that happened during that year than about the day itself. So, my feelings on the new year are positive; the semester is to be good fun, and I've really, from now on, got nothing but positive things to look forward to. But I'll try not to speculate too far ahead. I'm not going to set a monstrous resolution before me because I don't think I have that much in me that needs changing. That may seem conceited, and it is, but the way I see it, I am for the most part who I am. As long as being me brings me happiness, I'm content. Famous resolutions like: "I want to lose weight" or "get a raise" or "work on my ___ skills" are called self-improvisations because they take work to better themselves, which stems from a lack of happiness about a certain part of themself. Bla bla bla I'm babbling. But, most resolutions aren't fulfilled anyways, so not setting one doesn't make me feel bad. Will said today that in college there is no excuse for slacking and it made me think. At first I disagreed with it, then thought better of it, about what it meant to work hard at school and what it says about who you want to be. American values are placed highly in terms of material wealth, so yes, hard work is often essential to achieve this. I'm not so much a material person, perhaps to justify my laziness, but regardless, I will no doubt work less hard because the reward of money means less to me than to others. I suppose my resolution this year is to get a 4.0 at school, establishing myself again as an intelligent and studious person--prove myself to everyone, including me. Now, onto what happened during my day.
I went to bed at 8pm after staying up all night so I could reset my sleep schedule, which, as of late, had gotten out of hand to the point where I wasn't waking up until 4pm somedays when my parents would return from work and wake me up yelling. I'm going to have to purchase a good alarm clock that isn't windable for the next semester to ensure a better awakening experience. Of course, I didn't tell my parents I had stayed up all night because this would have been scorned upon, so I got yelled at that day for being tired and lazy when I was just tired from lack of sleep. So I woke up today at 1230 after getting 16.5 hours of sleep and I felt good. But my goal is to wake up at 9am regularly, because that's when my first class starts next semester. Sleep is largely a waste of time after a certain amount of sleep anyway. I think the cutoff is 9hours, and then it's just wasted time. I ran things to my aunt and neighbor, charged my car battery and vacuumed it, worked on my dad's truck, took down Christmas lights around the house, cooked food, and then played halo. I'm progressing through legendary, and blair told me today that level one was the hardest anyways. Ah, I'm listening to Sweatshop, I've got news, and it's entertaining. Anyways, at 545 we three left for dinner at the Pickering Pub and met up with my sister and the wings were good. At 7 I showed up at ben's and eventually many good friends were there. It's a very fun group to take part in and listen to. Jen said she had social anxiety? This surprised me--she's a good public speaker and as far as I've known she's always dealt well with people. Guess this shows you don't know as much as you thought you knew once you dig a little below the surface. Which is good--I'd rather be surprised by new information about people than dulled to find nothing I didn't suspect about someone. I think I have the most fun at a gathering like that with those kids than I do anywhere or anytime else, and in no way is that depressing. We watched anchorman and played Catch Phrase and Guesstures, but in general it was conversations. Interesting how you can get a bunch of people who aren't chatterboxes by themselves, (me, ben, jake) and put them in a room and see how much they talk. Friends complete people. Some people are very different in a social situation, compared to talknig to them one on one. If fear of talking doesn't impact them, then the only thing that could explain a change is that they want a certain exterior reputation. I become a different person in social situations in that I either talk a lot more or I don't talk at all. I've gotten much more over my fear of opening up to people I don't know, or at least I think I have. This semester changed me in that way. Now, I just don't give a damn about others' stance on me, and that's what it takes; you can't go around trying to have this certain image around everyone, because that's straining away from who you truly are, which puts stress on you all the time. It's far easier to be yourself all the time.
Anyways, later we went to fireworks at 12. I went with blair and neal and it was fun. Driving around in other friends' cars is one of the aspects I feel I've been left out of in life. But taco bell and wendy's was closed and we didn't have time to eat at denny's so we found our way to the racetrack/casino for fireworks. It was my first entry into a casino and I was impressed with its popularity of those who wish to gamble. After the fireworks, Blair wanted to try some machines. The first machine didn't work and neal and blair had to complain to redeem the money they didn't even get to gamble with. Then blair wasted a dollar in two seconds button mashing a machine. Then he put in five bucks in another machine, but in it's ambiguous directions, it said he had 300 tokens and asked how many plays he wanted to play and he pressed 45 and he lost, and the 45 meant he was spending 45 plays worth of money in one spin. Then he had 10 tokens left and won, which put him up to 50 tokens, then he lost a couple more times within a minute and he was vexed over losing six bucks in such an unentertaining method. So I'm glad I stayed away from the slot machines and was glad for it. I consider those places a complete waste of cash. There is absolutely no skill involved, and thus makes it worthless to me. I have less respect for those who play mindless games like slot machines, or certain types of solitaire. For me, if it's not something you can do with others for fun, it's not worth practicing or playing. Playing solitaire as a "time filler" is complete shit because there are so many more productive things you could be doing. Reading for example, may not be interactive, but it stimulates the mind, lets you learn, and makes you a better person. I respect readers, for their minds are being filled with material, whereas a solitaire player just clicks the same cards over and over and learns nothing. The same goes for watching TV, for me. If it's not a movie you can learn from or watch as a reason to get together with friends, it's not worth watching. Anyways, after the casino we dropped neal off, then blair dropped me off at Ben's again. Blair had curfew to meet at 1am that he barely made, and I returned to find almost everyone back in ben's living room again. I guess my only regret in seeing them is that I don't interact with them enough outside of parties. Lately I missed out on a sledding get together, somewhere I missed the invite, and I've missed poker at the Thies's lately, but I am unconcerned that the reason was that they didn't want me. Well, I'm concerned, there's always that part that says, maybe they just don't like you, but that's when I kick abort that thought, and think about how small of chance that is. Let's not read too deeply into a missed invite here, Casey. And so I don't. The only thing I can do is try to be fun to be around by cutting down negative things I say or do, and I do that. I always return from a get together with the clan with a feeling of joy and that's how I shall leave. Joyous 2005 year to you all! Great new experiences lie in store for you, and the decisions of how you will experience them are up to you. Make the right decisions that you will not regret, for all you can hope for in life is that you will not become a bitter and regretful fool. Wait, that's not negative is it? Screw it. I'm Ron Burgundy, Go Fuck Yourself, San Diego.
I went to bed at 8pm after staying up all night so I could reset my sleep schedule, which, as of late, had gotten out of hand to the point where I wasn't waking up until 4pm somedays when my parents would return from work and wake me up yelling. I'm going to have to purchase a good alarm clock that isn't windable for the next semester to ensure a better awakening experience. Of course, I didn't tell my parents I had stayed up all night because this would have been scorned upon, so I got yelled at that day for being tired and lazy when I was just tired from lack of sleep. So I woke up today at 1230 after getting 16.5 hours of sleep and I felt good. But my goal is to wake up at 9am regularly, because that's when my first class starts next semester. Sleep is largely a waste of time after a certain amount of sleep anyway. I think the cutoff is 9hours, and then it's just wasted time. I ran things to my aunt and neighbor, charged my car battery and vacuumed it, worked on my dad's truck, took down Christmas lights around the house, cooked food, and then played halo. I'm progressing through legendary, and blair told me today that level one was the hardest anyways. Ah, I'm listening to Sweatshop, I've got news, and it's entertaining. Anyways, at 545 we three left for dinner at the Pickering Pub and met up with my sister and the wings were good. At 7 I showed up at ben's and eventually many good friends were there. It's a very fun group to take part in and listen to. Jen said she had social anxiety? This surprised me--she's a good public speaker and as far as I've known she's always dealt well with people. Guess this shows you don't know as much as you thought you knew once you dig a little below the surface. Which is good--I'd rather be surprised by new information about people than dulled to find nothing I didn't suspect about someone. I think I have the most fun at a gathering like that with those kids than I do anywhere or anytime else, and in no way is that depressing. We watched anchorman and played Catch Phrase and Guesstures, but in general it was conversations. Interesting how you can get a bunch of people who aren't chatterboxes by themselves, (me, ben, jake) and put them in a room and see how much they talk. Friends complete people. Some people are very different in a social situation, compared to talknig to them one on one. If fear of talking doesn't impact them, then the only thing that could explain a change is that they want a certain exterior reputation. I become a different person in social situations in that I either talk a lot more or I don't talk at all. I've gotten much more over my fear of opening up to people I don't know, or at least I think I have. This semester changed me in that way. Now, I just don't give a damn about others' stance on me, and that's what it takes; you can't go around trying to have this certain image around everyone, because that's straining away from who you truly are, which puts stress on you all the time. It's far easier to be yourself all the time.
Anyways, later we went to fireworks at 12. I went with blair and neal and it was fun. Driving around in other friends' cars is one of the aspects I feel I've been left out of in life. But taco bell and wendy's was closed and we didn't have time to eat at denny's so we found our way to the racetrack/casino for fireworks. It was my first entry into a casino and I was impressed with its popularity of those who wish to gamble. After the fireworks, Blair wanted to try some machines. The first machine didn't work and neal and blair had to complain to redeem the money they didn't even get to gamble with. Then blair wasted a dollar in two seconds button mashing a machine. Then he put in five bucks in another machine, but in it's ambiguous directions, it said he had 300 tokens and asked how many plays he wanted to play and he pressed 45 and he lost, and the 45 meant he was spending 45 plays worth of money in one spin. Then he had 10 tokens left and won, which put him up to 50 tokens, then he lost a couple more times within a minute and he was vexed over losing six bucks in such an unentertaining method. So I'm glad I stayed away from the slot machines and was glad for it. I consider those places a complete waste of cash. There is absolutely no skill involved, and thus makes it worthless to me. I have less respect for those who play mindless games like slot machines, or certain types of solitaire. For me, if it's not something you can do with others for fun, it's not worth practicing or playing. Playing solitaire as a "time filler" is complete shit because there are so many more productive things you could be doing. Reading for example, may not be interactive, but it stimulates the mind, lets you learn, and makes you a better person. I respect readers, for their minds are being filled with material, whereas a solitaire player just clicks the same cards over and over and learns nothing. The same goes for watching TV, for me. If it's not a movie you can learn from or watch as a reason to get together with friends, it's not worth watching. Anyways, after the casino we dropped neal off, then blair dropped me off at Ben's again. Blair had curfew to meet at 1am that he barely made, and I returned to find almost everyone back in ben's living room again. I guess my only regret in seeing them is that I don't interact with them enough outside of parties. Lately I missed out on a sledding get together, somewhere I missed the invite, and I've missed poker at the Thies's lately, but I am unconcerned that the reason was that they didn't want me. Well, I'm concerned, there's always that part that says, maybe they just don't like you, but that's when I kick abort that thought, and think about how small of chance that is. Let's not read too deeply into a missed invite here, Casey. And so I don't. The only thing I can do is try to be fun to be around by cutting down negative things I say or do, and I do that. I always return from a get together with the clan with a feeling of joy and that's how I shall leave. Joyous 2005 year to you all! Great new experiences lie in store for you, and the decisions of how you will experience them are up to you. Make the right decisions that you will not regret, for all you can hope for in life is that you will not become a bitter and regretful fool. Wait, that's not negative is it? Screw it. I'm Ron Burgundy, Go Fuck Yourself, San Diego.
posted by Casey at 3:52 AM
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