Semester Three is Terminated

Hooray for no more school. This is the best feeling ever: relief. I've pulled about 4 all-nighters in the past week, and I slept 15 hours yesterday. I did really bad at school this time around, but knowing that in the big scheme of things one semester is trivial at best, I'm not that far down. It's really good knowing that next semester will not only be wicked fun, but more it'll be more interesting and I get a fresh start as well. Haven't posted in the last while because I'm not out to set the world record for most time spent typing on a stupid blog in a month. I pretty much cracked from over stressing. My teeth no longer hurt, but my eye still twitches and I'm tired all the time. It's really tough when you spend countless hours trying to learn something and it just doesn't stick, whether from tiredness or difficulty conceptually, and then you take a test and blank. I'm thinking lack of sleep played a large role in doing so sucky, so next semester I'm getting myself in covers at an early bedtime and getting 8 hours a night instead of 0-6. So I couldn't even bring myself to take my math final today because I couldn't face looking at another test and stressing over things I didn't know the answer to and failing anyway, so I stayed and finally studied more for Mat Sci. I was up all night playing Warcraft III, not because it's amazing, but because it was a distraction from thinking about school. I was up thinking, "ok, I gotta get studying for things," but whenever I'd start to think about school I'd get depressed and frustrated again and soon I'd be back doing anything that would distract my attention from stressing. It was a really weird feeling actually accepting that I had failed calcIII, especially since I have the capacity to do well in math. Sure, I paced back in forth in my room whining to myself debating whether to go to the test just to show on the report card that I took the test, versus my overwhelmingly strong lack of confidence that I had any chance of passing, and I just didn't want to look at another test and fail it. I doubt anyone who hasn't failed a test can fully grasp how significant it is to go from being overly successful at school to sucking out hardcore, but let me tell you, it's unlike any other feeling. At least I am comforted by the fact that everyone else in my suite in my major is failing equally hard. Mark said that he would prefer that he fail alone and have his friends do well, and while I do acknowledge how unselfish this is, I would far prefer to have others sink in my boat with me. I'm not one for wanting to be the only one failing; I'd rather have others there to comfort me in knowing that other smart people fail also. Anyway, I'd known since Day 2 of this semester that these classes sucked and weren't for me, and I sure was right. How comforting it is to find out you're right. Wow, my eyes are meshing words together from blurryness slash tiredness. So I was going to get a ride from keith because he's coming back for a party and he had an empty car, but I forgot in my tired state this morning that he had already gone home and thus had an empty car, so I emailed my dad asking for him to come today or tomorrow. So far, he hasn't gotten on or responded, but I shouldn't have sent that thing. So, two things I have to look forward to now is(are?) getting reprimanded by my parents about my grades and getting talked to about why I haven't pushed hard enough to get a job. If I don't get a job I'm going to get shit about it all the time, and if I do get a job, well, then I have a job to go to and that isn't good either. Well, it should be good, to have a job and cash, but I simply have no desire for material things right now. I have a few hundred bucks still saved up and if I really want something, which wouldn't happen more than once a year, I'd get it. Otherwise, I'll keep saving it. To have a desire for money and thus work, one must desire things to buy with money, and as I don't have that, I don't have any ambition to work, other than that it will keep my parents from bugging me. Say I had someone to get presents for and spend money on, then that would be a different story. So as of now, I don't know whether this Christmas break will be totally crappy and make me hate life still, or if it will somehow be sweet. I'm leaning towards sucking to somewhere in the middle, because there will be fun things to do and fun people to hang out with, but I'm not at all looking forward to getting nagged or talked to. I've watched a bunch of movies on ebaumsworld lately, played poker, read tons of articles, and played warcraft three the last few days as a means of escaping the imminent process of thinking about school. It's been an interesting experience at least, though overall I give it 10 thumbs down. Anyways, I'm finally going to not have school to worry about! Yay freakin' wahoo! And I might even get to see my friends from home again. That would be kickin'. And I might just take up reading a few books I have sitting around in my room not getting read. But I have a lot of sleeping still to do on my schedule today, and my room is still a mess. I was just thinking, wow, I've had a lot of visitors, yet only ben has responded. So mad props to ben. Give him your thanks as he prevented me from threatening all you all. Ben is a rad cool kid at all times. So I advise you, give me some input. There's freakin at least 20 different people that have been here, all I want is a little "hey what's up. you can not trace me, you cannot detect me. sincerely, anonymous" or "i liked the post on such and such" or "what you write is interesting and makes my day better" and it may just inspire me to write you a story. I'll write a story about anything if you want me to. I'll be a friggin' monkey at the keyboard doing your bidding. Just say "write a story about a chimpanzee who couldn't skateboard" or some such and I'll be glad to excercise my brain thinkermizer muscle. So peace out, smoke weed, and drive fast around corners.