Christmas Glory

I decree that it is too late for me. I could/should have gone to sleep 4 hours ago. If you want to know how to live totally pointlessly, follow my lead. Today I went to my classes, but I was way tired. I wanted to sleep all day but didn't figuring I would be more tired at night if I stayed up during the day. So I ate breakfast, witnessed some warcraft III, played some oregon trail by neal's recommendation, and consequently G. Bush and his staff were killed in a couple games, and everyone in my suite was killed in a couple games. I watched Mean Girls, followed by Shaun of the Dead and Dazed and Confused. I'd rate mean girls as the best followed by Dazed and then Shaun, but they were all pleasurable time-spenders. Apparently tonight was a good night to do drugs as I left the second movie and found some friends of mine giggling with 30$ worth of munchies strewn about the room and acting retardedly. The best quote was something grammatically foul along the lines of "I feel like I talk good," and they generally acted retarded. I got myself a buffalo chicken wrap made by Larry. Larry makes the best buffalo chicken wraps b/c he loads that shit up fat and brings on more hot sauce than I can swallow. Taste buds definitely change as you age. I heard they change every seven years and this explains why as a kid I liked everything with sugar on it, and now certain foods I found repulsive are acceptable, and I used to avoid hot things but now I crave them. I played some raquetball with Nick today and thought I would do much better against him, but I only managed to beat him one out of three today. That was the one fun activity I did today basically. After that I read articles on Risk strategy for an hour and a half, then some more on Texas Holdem' and reading about it lead me to play it online and that's what I've been doing the last few hours. Since Pogo.com now charges to offer Holdem', I no longer play there, so I tried some new place. It worked smoothly and such, but it was less interactive in terms of talking, and it seemed more limited in terms of how much I could bet. The most I was down was 30$ and the most I was up was 30$ and when I quit after 2 or three hours of play, I was right back where I started, so it made me feel like I had just wasted all that time, and rightly so. Pogo at least rewarded you with spins and random prizes the more wins you acquired over the night plus it saved your records so after you played a couple hours it didn't feel like that time had simply disappeared. I can't wait until finals are over. Sure I'll get some shit about how I did shitty and have to get a shitty job workin' at a minimum wage franchise, but school will be out and I'll get to see my high school friends again. It seems kind of weird referring to those I hung out with and knew my whole life growing up as high school friends, as opposed to just regular friends. Putting the words high school makes it seem as though they're in the past, even though they continue to be my friends, and it makes me sad knowing I don't see them as much as random kids I met here. I found my hat, which is good, and now I can't wait to play Thies at Risk after reading all those strategy theories and tips. I'm kind of worried he's going to be a different person based on rumors of his drinking habits and I should talk to that kid since I haven't in months. I haven't even thought of what I'm going to buy folks for christmas this year. I think Christmas is going to suck again this year. The season has gotten less and less grand as I've gotten older. It probably peaked in terms of grandeur when I was 12, and it has gotten less and less important since then. I suppose realizing the fraudulence of St. Nick has something to do with it, along with the fact that we don't have any relatives over. Christmas day is a silent and boring day. The few presents are opened, breakfast is had, and then we set up our gifts and play with them for the day if need be. I don't even know if my sister is going to be here for Christmas this year and it makes me very sad. She's probably going to show up with her dog Max at 11am, cheerful as all hell, with Tony, and it totally won't be the same as back in the day when we woke up at about the same time and ran downstairs to see our presents Santa left us. I think a large reason Christmas sucks for me is that I don't want any presents. Last year especially and this year, I just didn't feel like I deserved any after performing so badly in school. Last year this time, I had a 3.2 and I felt like a failure for not having a 4.o. I didn't ask for anything and didn't want them to get me anything, because I felt I hadn't earned them, and if I did get something expensive, it would only make me feel bad for wasting their money. So shopping probably sucks for my parents because I don't ask for anything and can't get excited when I open up this gift they probably spent days researching and thinking about and shopping for, and this in turn makes me sad. To make Christmas grand, you need excited children running around with hopes of getting something they've been waiting and asking for for months, seeing their faces of joy, wonder and glee over the number and quality and surprise the presents in store have for them, a good breakfast meal, and several relatives. An occasion just doesn't seem that special without more people being there. Back when my grandma was chillin we would bring her down for the holiday, and even though she was so old, her presence made Christmas special. I suppose if you travel somewhere for the holidays, it would make it special, like one year we went to the Island of St. John south of Fl for Christmas, though I don't recall anything other than that. And maybe if we drove around on Christmas day with a destination and activity, it would be more special. But a day just isn't fun when you wake up fearing what presents you did not or did receive, and how you don't want your excitement to be less than the giver's expectations, and how empty the house will be with just you and your parents. Last year I recall waking up at 9am, saying "ugh it's christmas," rolling over and trying to sleep some more. The Christmas spirit just wasn't in me. I also think that not celebrating the holiday as a relation to Jesus has something to do with diminishing the holiday's spirit. To me, Christmas doesn't have any significance in terms of religion aside from recognizing that Christians are like, "yay Jesus was real!" on that day. It's more about cheer, and material exchange to show you care about those around you. It's about getting together with the overclichéd term "loved ones" for a day of celebration, but since we're not celebrating Christianity, it has to be a celebration of something more tangible, like love or being thankful for what you have or something. For being the number one Holiday of the year, it doesn't deliver, and that's why I don't look forward to it that much. I guess what bothers me most is that my sister won't be in the house when I wake up, and it signals the end of an era: an era where everyone in my family lived under the same roof and interacted with each other. Now, I'm at college and I return once every month or so, and my sister lives elsewhere with her husband and visits probably every two weeks. So actually, I'm not sure if it's the Christmas season that's got me down, or that, but either way, I need to get some Christmas cheer in me. Maybe I'll go door to door with a song in my heart, (and a knife in my hand as I rob them?) singing Christmas carols. Plus, with although Christmas is less than two weeks away, finals have everybody here so stressed and preoccupied with studies, that nobody here has had time to consider the season or put up decorations. There's not even snow on the ground and it's mid-december in New York. This just doesn't make sense. I walked down to the gym in shorts today and wasn't cold. Maybe global warming has got me down. As I recall, the month of December is supposed to be white with flakes of snowy goodness, snowmen, sledding and snow angels, but right now it reminds me of September. Crap. It's after 5am and I'm not tired. This is really going to suck when my body decides to get 14 hours of sleep and I wake up after dinner tomorrow. In fact, that would make me weep. I should be getting up at 9 or 10 to make the most out or the day, and there's no way in hell that's going to happen. Gah! Stupid body with your stupid sleep cycle that sucks tremendously! You anger me and I shake my fist at you by looking in a mirror, while at the same time entranced by how devastatingly attractive you are, and perplexed by how the ladies never seem to notice, and this concerns me. Oh well. It really is late, and even though I should start calling 5am my bedtime despite my efforts to get to sleep earlier, I should call it a night(morning?). Good night, me.