Dream and Realizations

Today was a good day in that everything of value went well. I did well on my mat sci test and did everything for my karate final correctly and my group did well and I'm sure to get an A in gym at least. On the down side, I lost my hat, and I missed math because I was studying for karate and looking for my hat, and we got our math test back already. But today I had my last seminar and my last physics lab and my last karate class and I'm almost done with the semester finally. I just have two more classes tomorrow and I'm done! I'm really looking forward to next semester not sucking, so it better not disappoint. I also got to play raquetball with Keith today, which is always good, and I feel like I'm getting better. I feel like I have a lot of room to grow still and soon I will be a great raquetball player. Last night I had some crazy dreams like none I can ever remember. It's really hard to explain and remember, but I'll try. In sum, in one dream I was this new kid that taught all the other kids to be cool and they all looked up to me even though they didn't know me. There were times when kids tried to put me down and such, but my comments were wittier and comical and caused onlookers to laugh at the bully. There was a girl involved somehow, and from whatever school I was at, there was something that needed to be fixed, a rule of some kind. So I went up to Canada, which was ruled by the British court system, along with a few other kids and entered this court room to put forth our plan and these judges would say yay or nay in order to pass it. Neal was there randomly from his college and I got confused if I was in Vermont or Canada and we commented on how strange it was we had met there. Eventually, somehow a group of college kids got unruly and protested and stormed a building. It's actually impossible to explain everything, because it was probably a good 4 or 5 hours of dreaming, and everything happens quickly in dreams. There were lots of conversations and lots of strange things to witness, and the ways characters interacted with each other was awesome too. I also remember this one part where Bob, Brian, Steve, and Fricano and I were playing some team in football and it was essential that we win this game. Many plays were made and I recall wanting to be the field goal kicker as Brian held, and even though I wound up and struck the ball perfectly, the ball only went like two feet for some reason, so I felt like I'd ruined it for the team. When we got another field goal opportunity, Bob did the kicking, but he closed his eyes as he ran up to the ball and he kicked with his left foot and drilled it down the field and it barely missed. It was crazy dreaming and impossible to explain, but the feeling of it was uplifting and respected and like a reunion with old friends. I'm going to stop attempting to write about something I can't make sense of myself now, because that would be a good idea.
On a wholly different note, I came to realize today that there are many things in life that you think you could do and spend a lot of time at. These dreams often consume my thoughts for a period of time and eventually go away when I realize it would take too much effort to accomplish them, due to a change in lifestyle. However, if friends decide to follow through this idea also, it will often become a part of your life. Like, I decided one day I wanted to learn guitar and get good at it and I practiced every day for a while, until I realized it would take a ton of work and it wasn't worth all the effort. And earlier I considered whether I wanted to pursue martial arts and follow it for a period of years and earn my black belt, but then I realize how much work is involved and the life sacrifices I would have to make. These things happen all the time to me all the time, and it seems the only ones I've followed through on are the ones that my friends also decided to do with me. I'm not sure if this applies to all people, but I'm going to assume it is so, at least to a smaller degree. So if you want me to do something, I'm in. I'm definitely someone who likes to do activities with others, even though I might appear shy, withdrawn and anti-social at first glance. It's part of this deal I got where my mind doesn't open up to people until I feel comfortable around them. Until I know the company I'm in, I won't talk or say anything unless forced to, but when I feel comfortable around who I'm with, it's a totally different story. This is probably why I don't talk to teachers, ask questions, and why I didn't talk much in my Honors classes, even though I had a lot to say. I used to be a lot worse, but I'm getting much better at dealing with strangers now. Making good first impressions is what it's all about, and the fact that I just don't care as much. I'd say it's comparable to public speaking, which comes naturally to me. You just say what you want to say and people will understand you're a person too and accept you as such. I met a couple new people today and felt comfortable with them almost immediately. It was so different from how I usually react to new people; it shocked me. Now I want to play some people in raquetball: kinger, matt thompson, matt seavey, and gagne top my list, because I've heard they play, and some of them think they're good, but I've never seen them in action. I was playing nick or Keith the other day and I was considering asking the people in the court next to us if they wanted to play us individually. I found this quite strange--that I would be the one considering interacting with people I didn't know, and I wasn't afraid to challenge people I didn't even know, but it felt normal. I read something from a poker article a while back that made a big impact on me. It said that sometimes in the game you're going to feel like you can't do something because it wouldn't be you. It wouldn't be your style. But you have to remember that everything you do is you, whether it's something you've done in the past is irrelevant. Any action you take is you doing that action. Once you realize this, you won't be constrained to feel you have to act a certain way: a way you've always acted in the past, and you can grow to be a freer, better person. It's probably this advice that has had an impact on me recently the most in how I act around people, and I think it is for the better. Happy Hanukkah.