Night before a Test

So it's almost midnight and I haven't started studying for physics. Just can't bring myself to do it yet. Far too tired, or sick, but I definitely am having difficulties getting motivated. I know I have to do it though, so I will study until I am content, regardless of whether I get sleep tonight. I had karate and lifted today and that was good. And there was shrimp for dinner. I guess I feel defeated. I watched Without a Trace after came back exhausted from lifting, and it was about this middle schooler who went missing. It turned out he wasn't kidnapped; he just ran away and hung himself because of some terrible things that happened to him. Felt really bad for him, and angry at the girls that treated him so mean. I lied down on Nick's bed and Mark and Rachel were talking as they had been for well over an hour. Rachel is doing really well and mark is doing really bad obviously. I guess he's having at least as bad a time here as me; worse in some instances, better in others. I looked on his website http://people.alfred.edu/~mar3/ and looked under shoutouts and I wonder...is there a name missing? He has shoutouts for three people at home, and one for Bob, Nick, Josh, and Brian. Hmmm. Isn't there one more person in the suite? I guess not. I certainly don't deserve a shoutout. Clearly, I am not one of the "us" that constitutes this suite. Just one more example of how I feel left out and unloved here. And I guess Josh isn't doing too well. He's the one person in this suite I thought was doing well besides Nick. I mean, his grades are so high, and he's not taking shitty ass courses like us, and he doesn't have girl problems like most everyone else. He just sleeps a hell of a lot during the day. Seems like sleep is the thing to do when you're depressed. Bob sleeps all day and misses his classes fairly regularly, and I don't doubt that he's having a tough time with life. I think he thinks he's smarter than he really is, or maybe I'm just missing something. I noticed a Mensa test sitting on his desk and the highest score range was circled, saying he was the brightest in the nation, so maybe he really is smart somehow. I guess I'm just a super egocentric bastard that doesn't think people in this suite are smarter than me. So, Brian and I are changing majors next semester because we hate our major with a passion, and Bob, if he returns, which I doubt, will take mostly non-ceramics courses but stay in the program because of its cheapness. Mark says Bob's plan so far is to come back next semester and have a fresh start and be on probation, but I can't see it happening. I think it pisses me off more than anyone that Bob is doing badly, and there's nothing I can do about it to help him, which pisses me off more. Point is, our suite is cursed with bad grades and having a bad time, well--except for Nick, who's just plain smart and likes engineering and does everything right as far as I'm concerned. It'd be nice if I had it a bit more like Nick, but I guess I'm smart enough, I've just gotta use it right. Well, we'll see what concerns have been aroused amongst the staff at the meeting tomorrow. My guess is it has to do with grades or maybe looking depressed in class and missing classes? I can't guess what else "staff" could express concerns to our RD about. I'm gunna get some spaghetti made, and get some pop from the vending machines and try to get in the studying mindset.